Guest Ep: Madison
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[00:00:00] I did not wanna stop tracking. , I liked my little rules because to me that was my sense of control.
Because I dealt with binging, I felt like I couldn't trust myself. I feel like I couldn't trust my hunger, my body, I thought I would. Go binge every time I ate without these rules. So to me it was scary. It was very scary to. Intuitively eat. But now, being on the other side of intuitive eating, I see all the lies and the fear that was holding me back from freedom.
Y'all. I am so excited for this week's episode. I am joined by Madison Casola Casola Mama, like I love this girl so much. She is a dear, dear client of mine and she has come on the show to talk about her journey finding food freedom in Christ in her experience. With us [00:01:00] working together and overcoming binge eating and letting go. Of macro tracking and releasing that control. And I know that this is something that so many listeners struggle with. So my prayer is that this episode just speaks directly into your soul.
And she really addresses the messy middle and that it isn't easy. But when you do things with Jesus, you find freedom and the freedom is worth it. And with Jesus, the yoke is easy and the burden is light and obedience eases the burden. Y'all. This episode, this girl, she always has me laughing. I start crying in the middle episode like, I love this girl so much, and I am just so.
Oh, so grateful to God for the work that he has done in her. She has been such a pleasure to coach and come alongside, and I just love to see her thriving and truly standing. In the confidence that the Lord has given her. And I just know freedom is God's [00:02:00] will for us and it is for freedom that Christ has set us free and that includes food freedom.
My prayer is that you find inspiration for yourself in her story and. That this inspires you to keep running the race to freedom, the race to wholeness that the Lord has set before you. Father God, thank you so much for this day, Lord. Thank you for Madison. Lord, we are just so grateful for the work that you have done in her and I know.
That hurt people become healed people and healed people can help people. So Lord, I pray that this episode helps people, every single listener, I pray that they have ears to hear and a soft heart to receive the truths that she talks about in this episode. I pray that there is something in this episode that sticks with and speaks into the personal situation of every single listener on the other end of this.
Lord, we just praise you and thank you for setting the captives free. For freedom in you. Lord,
thank you, Lord. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.
[00:03:00]
Welcome to Your Daily Bread podcast. I'm your host, Abbie Stasior, a registered dietitian and certified intuitive eating counselor. My prayer is that these bite-sized episodes will help you heal your relationship with food and improve body image, as well as help you grow closer to God. Now, I can't personally heal you, but each week I'll be directing you to the one that can, and that is Jesus. As a disclaimer, I'm not a pastor, but a sister in Christ providing you with some food for thought for you to bring to the Lord and into your quiet time as your daily bread. Let's dig in.
Hey Madison. Hi Abby. Girl, I am so excited that you are on the show. This is gonna be awesome. I am so honored to be here. Thanks for having me. Oh my gosh, it is my pleasure. So I know you so well, but for those listening, give us a little bit of a rundown of who you are, where you're from, what you do, all [00:04:00] of the things.
Well, it's been such a pleasure to be a client of yours, Abby. I'm just a college grad student, just graduated last May, and I'm a personal trainer, so definitely just passionate about fitness, passionate about nutrition, and I've just been blessed to have you along my journey and that you've just really helped me.
Find the Lord and just find so much healing, um, with my, you know, eating journey and my fitness journey. Girl, you have been such a pleasure to coach. Truly, it's like seeing you from our first session to where you are now. You are just number one, walking in obedience with the Lord.
You are so rooted in him and just like operating with so much freedom. It's just, oh my gosh. It is just so cool to see how far you've come and the work that the Lord has done in you. And I'm so excited for you to go into some of that and to talk about how things are now, , but also where things started, because I think a lot of listeners are gonna resonate with your story and may [00:05:00] be now where you used to be with your relationship with food and your body image and all of the habits that, that you had.
So kind of walk us through a little bit of your journey. Where did you start out? What did your relationship with food, what did that used to look like? Yeah, definitely. I struggled with my weight, it feels like for my whole life, and I know I'm only 22, but I mean, it's always been, there's always been food noise.
Constantly striving to lose weight. I've always struggled. Growing up, I was overweight, so just always having some type of disordered relationship with food. It was always a struggle, whether it was undereating. Or overeating. Most recently I was struggling with binge eating and that is where the Lord really, I was a believer at the time and I was really wrestling with binge eating.
And it was, it consumed my life, it consumed my thoughts, it consumed everything about me. And, the Lord really did deliver me from binge eating and then. I was always passionate about [00:06:00] fitness, so my identity was always wrapped up in the fitness culture and just like gym culture. So I just had a lot of renewing in my mind to do in the Lord when it came to my relationship with food and my body.
And so when I came to you, I was delivered from binge eating, but I definitely was still. Struggling with that food noise and just like how to truly let the Lord into this area of my life and trying to surrender daily, surrendering and just being like, Lord, what does this look like with you? And at the time I was tracking my food, so just figuring out how to navigate even eating, like I struggled with eating on a daily basis.
Um. It still consumed my mind, yet I wasn't binging, didn't feel fully free, still thinking about my weight a lot. So it was just a still a, an idol in my life that I was trying to wrestle with of how, Lord, how do you want me to go about this? And then that's really when you came into my life at just [00:07:00] the perfect time.
And, you know, it's still a journey that I'm on, but I've come such a long way and there has been so much healing and renewal in my mind, and it's just been a beautiful process with the Lord to invite him into it. Amen. And I think because you have brought Jesus into be the center of your relationship, that's when things really started to improve for you.
And that's when you saw the healing. And Jesus said, apart from me, you can do nothing. And major chains had to be broken off. And Jesus does that. But then you also have to learn how to walk in the freedom that he has for you. And that's a lot of the work that , we have done together and just helping you to keep Jesus at the center.
So for you. When you were struggling with the binge eating before, did you reach a breaking point or when did you know I need help with this, and then do you remember how we got connected? Like did you, I think you found me on TikTok. I don't know if you remember like the video or if it was through the podcast, but how did you know like, I need help with this, I need coaching.
Yeah, I mean, it was funny. I was following you [00:08:00] for probably two years seeing your content and I just. You know. Oh, I was, I, okay. Remember that? That's awesome. Yeah. I was looking at your content for a minute, and then for some reason, one day I popped across the, the call, the consultation call, that's free.
'cause I was like, I never knew that you could just do like one call to chat. So I'm like, what? Like let's just chat and see what she's all about. , So then I just hopped on the call and, at the time I really thought I had everything under control. Mm-hmm. Which is funny 'cause I wasn't really looking for help when I came to you.
Like I really wasn't looking for a. Like any more healing. I thought I had it. I thought, 'cause I was doing it with the Lord, but I was kind of still controlling the areas that I like to control. For example, with the tracking, I was like, I got it. Like we're losing weight. This is great. I still had my hands, grip tightly of the control.
Tracking my [00:09:00] macros, and I, I really was still in bondage to that. I had no freedom when it came to going out to eat. I was very, like, I can, I was restrictive making food rules, I had still so much to throw off and renew my mind in that area, in that aspect, but. When I found you, I was like, I got, let's just see what she has to say.
And then when I, when we spoke, I just realized how much still I had to break off with the rules and how much, culture be being in the fitness industry. I was still believing so many. You know, gym culture, fitness culture. I was still in that worldly mindset, and I still had so much to invite the Lord into in those beliefs.
Yeah. Oh, that's so interesting because you felt like I'm doing this with God. Right. But now looking back, you're like, Ooh, I still had a clenched fist. I wasn't actually surrendered. Yeah. And so what do you feel like the difference is now? What, like before you thought you were doing it the the Lord, [00:10:00] now you know you're actually doing it with the Lord.
What, what do you feel like the difference is now? Yeah, it's funny because. I, I wouldn't have wanted to do the things that I've done throughout the journey. It's definitely been like to me to be like, you know, dying to myself in these areas. Like, I did not wanna stop tracking. I liked my little rules because to me that was my sense of control.
Because I dealt with binging, I felt like I couldn't trust myself. I feel like I couldn't trust my hunger, my body, I thought I would. Go binge every time I ate without these rules. So to me it was scary. It was very scary to. Intuitively eat. But now, being on the other side of intuitive eating, I see all the lies and the fear that was holding me back from freedom.
What it really was, it was freedom in the end. And yes, it was a journey that I, it took, it was uncomfortable at first and I didn't always do it perfect. And I still don't always do it perfect, but I see the freedom on the other side and I'm like, [00:11:00] oh wow. The fruit of my life is so much better when I can.
Listen to my body. I can enjoy food with people. I, I always struggled in settings. I remember that being one of the things that when we would talk in the beginning, I struggled with like social events, parties where there's food and like I, I would be consumed, but now I'm able to go to these events and celebrations and occasions and holidays and be like.
Okay, I can go in here with the Lord, I can intuitively eat, don't have to have these rules that say that I can't have this and I can't have that. I really have found freedom in breaking past the rules and just really, again, it's, it's a process and it's a journey and I don't always do it perfect, but there's so much freedom in intuitive eating, which I totally did not think.
W was real, or I thought that was a lie, but it's, that's the truth. Now I could see I, there was a little bit of doubt at first. I remember when we were starting to have [00:12:00] conversations about like, hey, like is tracking benefiting you? Like maybe we could try, you know, honoring hunger and respecting fullness and learning how to trust your body.
And through that, you trust God's creation and you build trust with God and you build a partnership with the Holy Spirit and. I love that you said like it's not perfect. 'cause when you're tracking your macros, the goal is to be perfect, to eat perfectly clean, right? And to do everything to the letter and check all of the boxes and not go over, not be under.
And with this you realize like, oh wow, the goal is not to be perfect. We're never going to be perfect. And that doesn't mean you're a failure if things aren't perfect. He's like, God, never put that on you. Like that was never an intention and. So I love that. Now you're, you've gotten rid of that as the goal and your lifestyle now is not only you walking in freedom, but you're actually experiencing the fruit of the spirit.
Mm-hmm. Of love, joy, peace, [00:13:00] kindness and goodness and self-control. And, um, actually trusting the Lord has led you to not binge. Right. And then whenever I catch my flesh coming back in and I try to go back to the past, that's when I start to see fear, anxiety, worry, control. When I try to go back to the old ways that like I want to control and that's more comfortable, or I think that.
That's, you know, that control is helping me on, on my journey. I start to see these other, like the, like I said, like fear and all of these worries start to come back up. And I was, it's so, it's, I was deceived, you know, I get deceived and it's, it's a, it's a battle of going back and forth being like, no, like, like you said, perfection.
I don't have to strive for perfection anymore. It's just being aware and like, that's what intuitive eating really has taught me is like, it's about awareness and intentionality. And when I forget those two things. Then I go back and then I'm like, oh no, just be intentional. You know, like then [00:14:00] I'll, that's where I've really started to see the freedom when I walk with intentionality and when I walk in the awareness of my being intentional and aware of what my body is feeling and like where the spirit, like what, how is this honoring to the Lord?
And like what is the spirit leading me to? What does obedience look like? Because obedience. It looks like intuitive eating to me personally on my journey and not tracking, tracking was disobedience to me. Like even though I wanted to do it, that was, that was disobedience in the season that I'm in right now.
Wow. That's powerful. And you're not alone in that. For sure. And the goal turned from you not eating perfectly to now, like the goal is to eat intentionally. Mm-hmm. Yeah, definitely. But I think people think, oh, if I'm not tracking, then it's just a free for all. Right, and eating all of these things, eating quote unquote bad things all the time, and it's like, oh no, you still want to eat [00:15:00] with intention.
You still wanna eat when you're hungry and stop eating when you're full. Right? You don't wanna turn to food when you're eating emotionally. Like we have these guardrails when you're actually in tune with your body and intuitively eating. It's not just a free for all with nutrition. So I think there are some misconceptions in there.
So I love that you mentioned that, Hey, I'm not eating to be perfect. I'm eating to be intentional. Mm-hmm. Spirit led. Right. I love that. Could you talk about, could you talk about the process of going from tracking to learning intuitive eating? 'cause I think people see. Both extremes, but there is a middle ground and it, it is kind of a, a messy middle.
A, a push and pull of learning your body, building the foundation. And it is really hard. I mean, every day it's, like you said, dying to your flesh. You're wanting to go back to tracking, but you know that's not right. But you haven't really built the skills yet of honoring your hunger and fullness.
You're learning your body. It is this messy middle that it, it, it is hard for people to get to that place where they're walking in [00:16:00] freedom. And it makes me think of that verse too, where we have to work these things out with fear and trembling, right? You just have to, you gotta keep going and you may stumble, but we gotta keep getting up.
So could you talk a little bit about that process, what that actually looked like for you? Yeah, I mean, I think you, you've given me such great practical tools because I didn't really have hunger cues and I, or I didn't really know how to navigate my hunger because I was so structured. I wasn't allowing myself to feel any hunger.
I was just tracking my food. Like, this is how many calories you get. This is what you get to eat, and. Once you hit it, you're done eating for the day. , I was so structured that I didn't allow myself to really feel much. And again, dealing with so much disordered eating my body, I felt like out of whack.
One of the most practical tools that I love that you've given me, that helped me is like the. Fullness and hunger, like scale being, oh, on a scale of one to 10, like how hungry are you? Or how full are you? One being [00:17:00] I'm starving, 10, like I'm full. And using that scale to be like, okay, like where am I at right now?
And then also just another practical tip that you've also given me is just being super intentional and prayerful at meal times. Coming from someone who I more dealt with the binging side of things, of course, like I yo-yo back and forth from different disordered habits. But I more had to be aware of like how much I was eating and how fast I was eating, because I was leaning more towards the overeating side of things.
So being intentional, yet again, the word intentional is like the key here. It's really all about intentionality and being like, I'm gonna sit down in this meal and I'm not gonna scarf it down. I'm gonna chew it like. Slow down, invite the Lord in 'cause we all are so different in our relationship with food and finding where I needed the Lord, you know, like I needed patience to slow down at my meal times and I needed , that hunger scale and the awareness to be like, okay, [00:18:00] like I'm full right now.
I'm good right now. And it has also led. In this intuitive eating journey, it has ultimately led me to be closer with the Lord because all of this time is just me spending more time with God. Because think about it. Whenever you eat a meal and you're praying, you're spending time with God. So the more time that you spend with God, the more healing you're gonna find, because now you're finally.
Letting him in to the journey. 'cause before I'm closed, I'm like tracking my food. I'm not letting him in. I'm doing what Madison wants to do, but now I'm inviting him into my meal times. I'm opening my hands up to him. This time is for me and you, God, like, like you. This is another thing we've talked about.
Like, speak to me Lord, like this is a time for me to hear from you. Not having distractions for me personally, I used to be a little YouTube iPad kid watching stuff when I eat, but then I'm not intentional 'cause I'm watching and then I'm scarfing food down. So for me, it's been being prayerful, [00:19:00] undistracted, being aware of that hunger scale.
And that's just like practical tools for me that has helped. But again, sometimes I scarf down a meal and I'm like, oops, I didn't pray then. You know, it's like, okay, thank you Lord for opening my eyes to that. You know, like. But you're not beating yourself up anymore because you used to. Yes. Used to really be mean and see that as a failure.
Now the whole day is ruined and maybe the whole weekend is ruined and I'll start again on Monday and Right. You now are like, oh, like you're seeing that as you y'all know, I always say it's not a failure. Everything is feedback. And you're like, oh, I overeat. My bad. I didn't pray. You're able to point to it.
Two, number one, that shows how much prayer actually works at the start of our meal. So I love that you said that, and that's such a great testimony and we need to be praying more. And also you're able to tangibly point it to what led you to overeat. You're not a failure, but that's good feedback for you and that things aren't gonna be perfect, but that's how the Lord orders our steps.
Right? Yeah, I think. Coming from someone who was [00:20:00] a tracker, perfection was always the goal. So I, that was also a key, like the, not a failure, but feedback. 'cause I would go to the extreme of always being like, we'll start on Monday, just binge and go that, that's that cycle of like, oh, just throw it all out the window.
Let's just go all in and just eat whatever you want. But it's a perspective shift I finally feel like now I get to walk in that where it's like, okay, this is data. You always say that to me. I'm like, this is data.
And use it to internally reflect on maybe I was emotional and then I'll look at in the internal, where was I at? Oh. I was really emotional that day and I maybe ate a little too much past,, I'm like pretty full right now and okay, I see that now let's go forward and , for next time when I feel a little emotionally triggered.
Maybe let's not go to the kitchen. Maybe let's, let's sit down and read my Bible for a second and journal this out, or pray it out. Sometimes, for me from an [00:21:00] ex binger, , my emotions a lot of times is what led me to go to food for comfort. So I really had to also, that was a, a breaking off of more,, renewing of my mind.
And Lord, help me in my emotional eating because. That's where a lot of those tendencies and habits caused me to eat more than I needed to because I just needed comfort that the food wasn't giving me and that I needed it in the Lord. Right. Oh, that's so good. So you were binging maybe because of restriction?
Mm-hmm. It's like, oh, now I'm gonna overeat. But also now it's emotional. So it's like both tied into it. Yeah. Even when you were tracking, do you feel like you were undereating. I don't feel like I was undereating, but I do feel like I had rules and I feel like because of the rules, I wasn't able to go out with my friends and like have an untracked meal and, I just feel like the rules created a lot of, again, it was just like control that [00:22:00] became obsessive and an idol.
That controlled everything I did and my minds and it controlled my thoughts and I just, all I could think about was, what's my next meal? I was always consumed by food in some, yeah, that's overwhelming, honestly, mentally exhausting. When you started to get more intentional with nutrition and, okay, I, I'm looking at the hunger and fullness scale.
What is a three on the scale for me? How do I know if I'm emerging fullness? Gotta have all these components on my plate. And intuitively. E what? Checking in with your emotions so you're not emotionally eating like that is also a mental toll. Did you experience that, that when you stopped tracking it was a mental toll?
Definitely I wanted to go back to tracking many times, but it's funny 'cause my friend threw out my food scale. So , I could not track like on my food scale and it's actually funny 'cause I did buy another food scale, but then I ended up returning it because , the Lord was just like, return that thing right away.
So I returned it. But there were times when I was [00:23:00] struggling because I was so comfortable, and again, being I'm, I'm, I'm a personal trainer. Being in that industry of the fitness world, to me it's like I have this high expectation and standard of I have to look a certain way and I don't fully trust myself to keep up.
That physi like my body, my weight. Without tracking, tracking was , a safety blanket for me, and it was just like, I can keep my body at this weight. I've always struggled with my weight, like tracking is what's helping me, but like tracking was not.
Solving the root of all of my, disordered eating tracking was not the solution. So that's what the Lord was really telling me in this season of uncomfortableness is that tracking is not the solution he is. And I really had to go through the healing to get to the root because I wasn't getting to the root.
Being in the fitness industry, I was still breaking off a lot of worldly beliefs and tendencies around my body. [00:24:00] And through, the intuitive eating journey, I've been able to walk more in freedom with my body and my weight as well as with food. 'cause they really tie all together.
I've always struggled with confidence and this has also. Been a huge leap in my confidence journey, I guess you could say, because I'm not striving for a weight like I used to. I'm not striving for a goal like I used to because my motive, it was at the end of the day, it's all a heart. Posture, like it's a heart thing.
Yes, it's great to be healthy and to wanna steward your body well, but my heart was in the wrong place., I was always striving to be smaller. I was always striving to be leaner and to , do more, eat less, do workout more. So I had to break off a lot of that to find even more freedom with the Lord and in my body
right. If you felt like the tracking was keeping you safe, now you have to find safety in the Lord and really not just know in your head, but receive into your heart that he is your [00:25:00] refuge. He is your fortress. He is keeping you safe, right? And also, he defines you and. He qualifies the cult. It's not your size in the fitness industry that mm-hmm.
That makes you credible. It's not your NASM certification that makes you credible. Right. But although it's important to make sure you have those credentials, reliability purposes, but that doesn't define you as an instructor, but the Lord defines you. He qualifies the call. So really receiving your identity in Christ into your heart.
Now you're like, well, like whatever size I am, I can still minister to people. I can still lead people to freedom and I can still lead people to a healthier body and fitness themselves. Yep. That's so good. Yeah, . And I know on one of our, coaching calls. Correct me if I'm wrong. There was one person in your class, or maybe it was a group of girls , that were just so happy to see you and felt very comfortable in seeing Yes.
In your class, which, not everyone. Not everyone, makes the [00:26:00] effort to actually say that to the instructor, but because of your size that you're not looking like, you know, these, like these fitness people that have such impossible body standards. Yeah. 5% body fat that's not, yeah. Or less, right?
Like actually like yeah. Insane, not attainable. Like everything we're seeing in Hollywood right now y'all. That is not normal. That is not normal and that is not. Healthy anyway. So you actually have a healthy, nourished, strong, long body with so much stamina and endurance, and you had women coming up to you in your class like, wow, I feel so seen and safe in your class.
I love taking your classes for that, and I'm sure that that had to be so affirming for you to be like, wow, I actually thought that my body disqualified me. But it actually is the one thing that's drawing people to you. Definitely, I think it, it helped because I did have a smaller body when I was probably, I was deep in the disordered ness.
Mm-hmm. And [00:27:00] to hear that from the girls, it really, it did affirm me that I can be healthy at this, at my way, at my body type, I move, like I, I teach step. I'm running around and jumping around and my body can move and I feel good and it doesn't have to look. A certain way because that's the world's standards or whatever belief I've, I've made up in my head.
It's like I can be healthy, I can teach others and I can be joyful and you know all the things and I can have this body type and that is okay and it's beautiful. I'm uniquely beautiful in my own way and that's something the Lord has been definitely teaching me. And not everyone can hear the gospel like you're made in God's image regardless of where you on this scale, like you're made in God's image and we all have different bodies and people need to hear the gospel from people that look different and have different body types.
Not everyone's gonna hear it the same way or connect with people in the same way. So I love that you're [00:28:00] modeling that too. One of the biggest, I don't wanna say complaints, fear that come up with the clients that I work with as they're. Feeling a tug on their heart, but they're nervous to actually take the step to stop tracking macros is a fear of weight gain.
Mm-hmm. Did you struggle with that as well? And if so, how did you navigate that? Definitely, I, I definitely did, and it's funny because I feel as though the Lord. Almost allowed me to go through, 'cause I did gain weight. But again, like in the process of taking the food scale away, he also called me to not weigh myself personally because I was weighing myself every day, and I felt that became an idol. , I became obsessive about the numbers and, obedience in that looked like not weighing myself. And in that journey of intuitive eating in the, in the middle ground of the uncomfortableness and not always doing it right, sometimes overeating, whatever it may be.
Did I [00:29:00] gain weight like I did? But during that time, it's funny because I didn't know that I did. And during that time, , I was seeing wins and I was seeing victories and yeah, sometimes I had stumble, but like, I really was fi, I was finding the freedom and yes, it was uncomfortable and hard, but you always had told me.
Regardless of what your weight looks like right now you're gonna get to a point and it's going to balance out. And, it wasn't like an unhealthy amount that I'm like, oh, I can't move, I'm unhealthy. I felt as though the Lord allowed it.
So that I could grow through this. And it almost in a way when I had this perfection mindset of like, you need to look like this. I feel as though he allowed me to gain that little bit of weight to be like, you are still, , made in my image, you are still fearfully and wonderfully made.
Nothing has changed because you gained a little bit of weight because you're trying to heal your relationship with food. I feel as though the Lord allowed me to gain the weight, and even though in [00:30:00] my head I'm, I'm fighting all these lies of like, you are not good enough. Oh, you're going back to old, like, you know, all of these lies.
Mm-hmm. I really do feel like the Lord allowed me to go through that so that I could love myself regardless of the number and see myself the way that he sees me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And like you said, it wasn't this like obscene amount of weight. It was a little bit where it was still uncomfortable, but it wasn't making you unhealthy.
If anything that was, you were learning how to adequately nourish yourself, and that's a process, right? Mm-hmm. Right. Wow. I do appreciate you sharing that because I know that this takes a lot of courage and you're, you're being vulnerable and just pouring all of this out, but I know that so many people struggle with this too and are seeing themselves in your story.
So you weren't weighing yourself at that time. You weren't weighing food, you weren't tracking food at that time, but then you did see your weight, then you did go to the doctor and see your weight. So what was that experience like? [00:31:00] Yeah, so I wasn't weighing myself for a while. Then I went to the doctor and I look at the weight and it was 20 pounds higher than what I was.
When I was tracking, it was a good six months of not looking at the scale. So when I first saw that number, oh my gosh, all the lies are coming back. All the fear and the worry and the anxiety is just like, uh, go back to tracking.
Yeah, you lost control. What you lost yourself, you know, all the lies and. , I was like wanting to go back to the control because I'm, I, I am like, I need to control this. I need to control this. This is too much. And I, like I said, I did not see the difference. I didn't feel the difference in myself. Um, but.
One of our, calls,, I was able to talk about, all the feelings that came up with that. And you gave me the scripture of Genesis when they're in the garden and they were naked and [00:32:00] unashamed. And then when Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and then all of a sudden, then they knew that they were naked and there were shame.
Um, that's ex, it was so crazy. Like, wow, that's exactly what had happened. That wild. On the scale, I wasn't, I was called to not weigh myself and not know the number and because in this season, in this journey right now, like the Lord's trying to do something in me, so I, I felt no shame. There was no shame in my body and in my weight with what was going on.
And then as soon as I got that knowledge of, that number, on that scale, I felt so much shame. I felt like I needed to cover up more, I needed to hide and that I needed to go back to tracking, to gain control. And I feel like the Lord taught me so much through that of. How much I valued the data , the number on the scale and the food scale. All of the [00:33:00] tracking, all those numbers I like, they were just such idols. Really I do believe that sometimes we have access to too much with these numbers and that they become idols that we don't realize are idols, and we're striving for a lower number on that scale and.
Then our motives are all in the wrong place. I think it's great to want to be healthy. I love helping people get healthier. I'm a personal trainer, but I think a lot of the times we have these idols of just striving to constantly lose weight for the wrong reasons. And it's consuming.
And , it's a harder thing to invite the Lord into it and not to wanna control it. But that's where the freedom is and it is a process and I think that's what is hard for people. 'cause we all want it the easy way or the quick way. And it's like, well what do you mean you gained 20 pounds?
That's so scary. But it's like long term, I've gained that 20 pounds again. [00:34:00] If it meant finding freedom, because at the end of the day, like freedom. There's no cost. Like that's just like, it's just so worth it for that 20 pounds, if that makes sense. Yeah. Girl, you got me tearing up over here. Awesome.
So Spirit. Oh my gosh. Wow. Just hearing you say that with such confidence that is the voice of freedom. Praise God. Praise God. And it's so cool because the Lord knew that you had gained weight. The Lord knew. He knows every hair in your head. He's had more thoughts about you than there are grains of sand.
The Lord knew exactly what your weight was. You didn't know before the doctor's appointment, but he did. And he wasn't ashamed. He, yeah, he wasn't leaving you or forsaking you or shaming you. None of that. But it is interesting. That exactly how you felt in your response. Exactly how Adam and Eve [00:35:00] felt in the garden, where you became aware of that knowledge, immediately chose to feel shame, and then felt like you had to hide.
Mm-hmm. You felt like you had to cover up and God in the garden. His first question to Adam and Eve of the first question in the Bible, it's the first question that God asks man. Where are you and somebody with the wrong view of God that thinks he's condemning and just a, you know, this man with a big beard in the sky?
Mm-hmm. Is wagging his finger at you like in shame? Yeah. Where are you looking to punish you? But actively look at the translation of where are you in the Bible? It's aca, which means like a, a longing and it's, it's just a, like a heart heartbreak, aching to, to be reunited. Like his, yeah. Like his heart aches to, to be reunited and, um, God has just [00:36:00] orchestrated so much through Jesus.
Now that we can receive the Holy Spirit to never be separated from him again. That's how much he loves us. And, I'm so proud of you for so many things. There's so many things,, like seeing yourself in that story and actively choosing not to go back and track because it would've been so easy to, it would've been so familiar.
But it's like, wow, this is how scripture renews them. Oh, this makes me think of James four seven, where it says, when you submit to God, the enemy will flee from you whenever you're feeling tempted, submit to God, which you did that, like I, I gave you the scripture to read and I was like, Hey, I think that this would resonate with you.
And you're like, oh gosh. Like you're submitting to his word. You're seeing yourself in that, and the enemy, like the temptation to track it eventually went away. It's the so strong in that moment, but you, the Lord, submit to his word and the enemy will flee. So I'm so proud of you for [00:37:00] doing that and turning to the Lord, because in those moments it can feel like such a comfort to go back to what's familiar, but you're finding Yes in Christ.
Yep. That is so good. Ugh, that is so good. Yep. Yeah, girl, I'm so proud of you. So good. This is just like, it's not gonna be perfect, and it wasn't like you being a little rattled by or a lot rattled, , however you would describe it, by seeing the number on the scale finally doesn't mean. Like the enemy would want you to believe that that negates all of the freedom that you had.
Yeah. But it, but it doesn't like it. It's natural. It's okay. And you worked through that with the Lord. So then the next time you see the number, you're not gonna be as rattled because you learn from that experience. You have scriptures in hand. You can prepare yourself before the next doc, next doctor's appointment.
And just for anyone listening, you can always ask for a blind weight. You can always, step on the scale backwards or, talk about that, . With the provider, even with the staff when you're checking in like, Hey, if you could just let the nurse know, or whoever is gonna be weighing me, that that's something [00:38:00] that I would prefer sometimes, and this has happened to me too, and I think maybe this happened to you, like sometimes you do a blind weight, but then you still see it on the portal or in the papers they give you afterwards or the doctor just mentions it or somebody else walks in the room and they didn't know, you know that you did a blind weeks, they weren't there.
Like sometimes you still end up seeing it and that's okay, but now you can go into your next doctor's appointment. With this data that you have now and this experience, and you're more rooted in the Lord, so the enemy can try and, rattle you and shake you up, but you're even more rooted in the Lord and this reveals his glory.
And I talk about this sermon by Sarah Jakes Roberts all the time, and I think I sent it to you, the Glory Trigger sermon. Yep. Yeah, yeah. I bring this up every other episode like, y'all haven't listened to this sermon yet. It is so good. And she basically talks about how there are things that can trigger us in life, but.
Sometimes the Lord will allow us to be in situations that could trigger us, or things that have triggered us in the past to now reveal his glory, how [00:39:00] far you've grown. So I wouldn't be surprised if the Lord puts you in another situation down the line. I don't know when it would be where you would be exposed to the number on the scale, right?
, To reveal his glory. It's an opportunity to reveal like, okay, hey, that number used to, used to, I used to be so controlled by that, but that number doesn't rule over me anymore. Yeah. And those are the wins that help me on the journey.
'cause obviously there are times when it is still hard to be like, Ooh, I gained a little weight. But , those are the wins and the growth that make it all worth it. Because I'm seeing progress, and I used to be striving for progress in the weight to go down, but , my motives have changed. My motives are different now.
I'm not striving for a smaller weight. I'm striving to be healed, and I'm finding it in these wins, and that's what helps me on the journey because it's not perfect. It's hard, it's uncomfortable and sometimes it sucks.
But when you see those winds of the Lord, [00:40:00] again, like it's his glory being shown and it only can be with God. , It's not in my own strength. It's not in my own willpower. It's no, when I'm surrendered to the Lord and, and he, I'm crying on him, leaning on him, like that's when it's like, wow, like I'm seeing the progress.
I'm seeing the fruit of this. Decision and this obedient this Yes. That I've made to walk into the freedom. Yeah, because your definition of success has changed. Yes. It's not a certain size or, hitting a certain number on the scale or being perfect with all of your macros. Success to you now truly is obedience to the Lord, right?
Mm-hmm. Other, like you've expanded your definition of not only success but health. Like, oh wow. Me honoring my hunger, respecting my fullness, not emotionally eating. That means that I'm healthy and I'm adequately nourished. That is success. Yeah. That is so good. Yep. Yeah. I love it. Love it. So [00:41:00] good. And girl, when you're talking, you're waving this big rock around.
I'm like, okay, girl. Um, love engaged. We love it. And. I'm not surprised that you went through all of this healing with your body image and your relationship with food, and then got engaged and it just, it just happened. It seemingly like all of a sudden, but the Lord has been brewing, and brewing, brewing because now you're able to walk into this engagement season, wedding season, marriage season, , you're able to walk into that with confidence and a healed relationship with food and better body image and walking in with freedom. So good. So good. So yeah, how are you feeling this engagement season? Are there any thoughts that are coming up? I know like I'm inundated, my whole feed is inundated.
It's like I have to play whack-a-mole with TikTok, not interested, not interested with all of this for the wedding type content. Um, so yeah. How has your mindset been going into this engagement? . Season approaching marriage. Yeah, I think I've definitely [00:42:00] needed to, again, keep going back to like my identity in the Lord because the noise of social media and the world is like,, to look great in that dress when you walk down the aisle and I'm like, oh, I just gained 20 pounds. , How can I fix this? But , again, just really going back to the Lord and being like.
My identity isn't him and him alone. So finding my confidence in him he's really been working on confidence with me because that's something I've been just catching little lies of comparison whether it's at the gym or on social media and we all hear comparison is the thief of joy and it really does just rob you of being aware of what God's doing.
In my own life, when I'm like looking at all these other people and I'm start these insecure thoughts, keep seeping in, I feel like the Lord is just trying to, to teach me like security and him alone and I am uniquely made and , to stay in my own lane, to run my own race, to keep my eyes set [00:43:00] on him and stay like forward instead of looking all over the place.
I feel like that's what,, I've caught myself doing that. Like I'm looking all over the place, like looking at other people. What are they doing? Oh, they look good. Like. Ooh. Like, I wanna, you know, and I've just had to continue to remind myself, keep my eyes set on Jesus, keep doing my thing. Whatever my body looks like when I walk down that aisle.
Like it's okay. My fiance still, like, he loves me regardless if I'm 20 pounds later or it's 20 pounds heavier. Amen. You want the person that you're marrying to see you through the eyes of God.
Yeah. And regardless of what size you are, we're still fearfully and wonderfully made. So your fiance should see you through the eyes of God too. Yeah. And it's important also that they speak truth and not try to drag you in back into the worldly mindset. So I'm very grateful that he has been able to, when I like confess these things, that he's able to speak truth over [00:44:00] me
when I am believing those insecure lies, that's super important that you're not with someone that's like, yeah, maybe you should lose those 20 pounds before the wedding. Like, that's not exactly like she's actually affirming the the work that the Lord is doing in you. Okay. Okay. Fiance? My fiance, he was the number one, he.
Throw that food scale out. I'm like, no. He's like, yes, throw it out. So he's been the biggest help on this journey and every single time he has led me to the Lord and been like, no obedience. Looks like throwing out that food scale. And you know what, Madison? Every time that I try to be like, um, but I'd rather track, he's like, but is that obedience or is that you trying to control your weight?
Like he always just like brings me back to truth and, . He's been the best. So thank you. Shout out Eric. , Explore green flags all around. Yeah. I love this so much. Wow. Oh my gosh. We have covered a lot of ground on this, so, and you have spoken so [00:45:00] much wisdom. Oh my gosh. I, I love, love, love this.
One thing that I loved about your last answer with that. Is that you said first I gotta be rooted in my identity in Christ. Because before we started recording, when you were opening up to me about like, Hey, you know, I was doing the personal training thing, but I really feel like the Lord is doing something different.
I feel called to go back to school, maybe that looks like, , diving into nutrition myself or being a dietician, you know, whatever. Whatever that looks like. I don't know exactly where the Lord's gonna lead you, but what the Lord was saying to me was that you are a Christ follower first.
His main goal is to help you to be holy. Yeah. Your, your first call is to be holy. And then our career could be a secondary call, but you are a Christ follower first. That's how you identify. So even though you have been a personal trainer in the past, and you may be. A nutrition professional or dietician in the future.
Regardless of what you're doing, you are a Christ follower for, so rooting more in that identity that will actually help you [00:46:00] to make decisions. When you're in your discerning, you're, I know you're in your discerning era right now. Like, okay, Lord, where are you? Am I going back to school?
Yeah. Keeping your eyes on Jesus seek first, his righteousness, his kingdom right. And , everything else will fall into place and rooting in your identity. Ooh, I'm a Christ follower, Lord. Where are you leading me? Yeah. That's so good. That is so good. Thank you. Of course. I'm, I'm just like, so encouraged by your journey and I can't wait to see where you'll go.
So yeah. Where can people find you , where are you hanging out? I'm on Instagram. I'm actually fasting social media right now, but like my Instagram's still there. We'll be back at some point. But I'm on Instagram, my Instagram's, Madison dot Casola. , I'm also on TikTok, but I'm not too active on there.
I'm like M Casola, if you wanna find me out there. I am personal training, but like Abby said I feel like the Lord is pivoting me. I do a small group at my church, so I'm just trying to help [00:47:00] women in their finished journeys, their confidence journeys, so. Yeah, I'm just a little small town girl in Connecticut, just grinding it out right now.
But again, we'll see where the Lord leads me. And Abby, you've been the best thank you for, being like an older sister in Christ and just leading me and guiding me and just, , you've been such a tremendous help in my journey. So thank you. Oh my gosh, girl,, it is my pleasure and all glory to God.
Just seeing what everything he's done in your life. It is such an honor and such a privilege to be a witness to that and to help in a very small way, shepherd you to freedom. Praise God. Love you girl. Amen. I love you too. Oh, let me ask you this,
If you were speaking to an older version of yourself Yeah. Be stuck in the, in the binge eating and they haven't fully surrendered yet and they are tracking, like what is something that you would say to them? I would say be open to. Shifting your perspective and your [00:48:00] mindset and that uncomfortable season was something that definitely could scare people away because it's uncomfortable and it's hard and it takes being intentional and mindful.
But what I would say to myself before entering into that is that. It's worth it to find freedom, full freedom, not just like partial freedom and it's worth it in the long term, like don't be so short term mindset. Like you're thinking so much of like, well, right now, well, right now in the long term, like.
This will all be just like, I'll look back on this one day and be so grateful for this uncomfortable messiness that feels so hard right now, and you don't wanna go through it and you wanna run away from it. But I'll look back and be so grateful. It's like that verse where it's like, you might not now, you might not know now what I'm doing, but one day you'll look back and you know you'll be grateful.
And so that's what I would say to. The [00:49:00] uncomfortable, the one who's like, I don't know if I can stop tracking, or, I don't know, like, if you're in your uncomfortableness, it's a, it's a big leap, but one day you'll look back and truly freedom only comes from. The Lord and doing it with him.
So I would just say, open up that clenched fist and just really daily surrender because it really is a daily surrender. It's not a one time, Lord, help me. It's a, every single day I'm choosing to walk in freedom and with an open hand and, and openly surrendering these aspects of my life to him. And then you'll find your freedom and it, it's a process.
Amen. And I love that you brought up that it needs to be daily. 'cause that can make it less intimidating. If you think about, oh my gosh, I gotta do this for the rest of my life. It's gonna be such a stroke. The Lord says, don't worry about tomorrow. Yeah, Matthew 6 34, don't worry about tomorrow. Today's got enough of its own.
So when you just focus on today and the Lord renewing your strength and giving, you could do all things through Christ who [00:50:00] strengthens you. Mm-hmm. So just focusing on today, each meal moment to moment, really being present. It breaks it down. It's that like that. Yeah. Well how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
That's so good. Yeah. Truly. How do you break free from binge eating and overcoming macro tracking? . . One bite at a time. One meal at a time. 'Cause it can get overwhelming when you try to conquer it all and you're worrying about tomorrow, but you really one day at a time.
Today has enough worries of its own. Amen, girl. Yay. Well, thank you so much for all of your wisdom as you are just such an inspiration. I'm so proud of you. Praise. Praise God. Aw, thank you Abby, for having me again. I'm so honored. It's been so much fun.
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