Episode 40 Transcript
Abbie: Welcome to your daily bread with co hosts, Abbie Stasior and Hannah Calhoun. We're here to be your weekly source of spiritual nourishment, guiding you to find food freedom in a deeper connection with Christ.
Hannah: As we explore the intersection of faith and nutrition, these bite sized episodes will help you heal your relationship with food and your body through practical advice, biblical wisdom, and heartfelt encouragement.
Abbie: And as a disclaimer, we are not pastors, but passionate registered dietitians and sisters in Christ, offering our insights to support you on this faith filled journey to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Join us by taking a seat at our table as we break bread and allow God in to break the chains of diet culture.
Hannah: Welcome back to another episode of Your Daily Bread. Today we are graced with the presence of Brittany Braswell. She is a registered dietitian who helps faith driven women who struggle with food and body image issues. She has experience working with eating disorders and disordered eating and she is the host of the Joy Filled Eater podcast.
Podcast and today she is going to be sharing her insight on grieving a past version of yourself, of your body. Um, there's lots of body changes that happen throughout our life and it's okay to grieve it. Grieve the past version of yourself. So pass the mic over to you, Brittany, and you have the floor.
Brittany: Awesome. Thank you guys so much for having me today. It's such an honor and a blessing to be here with you and to serve you guys that are listening. Um, and I kind of wanted just to open us up. I know this is a big. This is a big question that I hear a lot. I'm like, Brittany, like, um, I just feel like I'm in this state of grief because I'm not, my body's not the same as what it was before.
Um, whether they're in the middle of a struggle with disordered eating or they're in the recovery process and their body has changed. And, um, there's a passage from first Thessalonians that talks about not how as Christians, so many women, I think feel like. As a Christian, I shouldn't just grieve. I should know there's like, Jesus is coming and should have this like uppity.
It's going to be okay. And scripture speaks so often to grief and how it's okay. As Christians, like it's, it's. It's totally normal to grieve, but we need to do it with hope. And so in first Thessalonians chapter four, verses 13 to 14, it says, but we do not want you to be uninformed brothers about those who are asleep.
You may not grieve as others, as others do who have no hope for since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. And so in this passage, specifically, they're talking about grief for someone who has passed away or someone they've lost.
But the principle, I love how it applies to her body and our, our journey with body changes and how we can still grieve with hope and that Jesus is there through the whole process. So I'm excited to dive into this topic with you all today.
Abbie: Yeah, absolutely. Cause I think this applies to grieving a past version of ourselves that we actually were, but also the fantasy.
And I think sometimes we need to grieve the thought that like, Oh, maybe one day I'll get to that size or I'll look like that, or I'll look like them. And there's grief that needs to happen. We need to process that when we reach a level of acceptance and awareness that like, Oh, That's either never going to happen.
That's not realistic, or that's not healthy for me.
Brittany: Yeah. Yeah. And I see it happen on both ends. See it happen from like, Hey, I have, I have this dream. I have this fantasy that I'm going to get to this size and all of us here probably know, but if you're listening, you may not, if you're in that mindset of, Hey, things will get better.
I'll love my body or I'll like it better, or I'll even just tolerate it when I get to X, Y, Z size, when that happens, I can give you dozens and dozens of names of women that would say it it just wasn't enough. My body image didn't get better when I got to that magic mark that I thought I was going to.
And so there's absolutely grief process that could come in there. It's also hard on the other end. I've had clients who get to the end of their eating disorder recovery journey, and they're grieving the loss of the eating disorder to some degree. They're like, there were all these things that Felt like it did for me and now I'm letting it go.
And how do I, what's my identity? Like, how do I move forward and not have that grief there? And so there's that side of grief as well. And how do I let something go? That's felt safe. And even though it's done me a lot of harm or it's been very disordered, like you can, you can still feel grief, even when you know, logically, like something isn't good for you, something isn't beneficial for you.
And so I think that's a really important conversation to have and hear all kinds of questions in that realm through it, like all the time. Yeah.
Hannah: I've seen two, even, you know, individuals who are not necessarily like going through a recovery process, but I have realized that, you know, we start off as infants, we're children, we're growing, our growth is celebrated, woohoo, you're growing, you're getting tall, whatever.
And then we grow into our teenage slash young adult body. And this is when we kind of get used to our adult appearance. Like, we're like, okay, we're grown ups now. And we sort of believe that this is what we're gonna look like forever. And then we creep into the, uh, 25s, late 20s, 30s, and things change. And we're like, whoa, what happened to my 19 year old body?
And then we spend the rest of our adult lives trying to go back so that we can look like we did when we were 25 and younger. I feel like that is, across the board, a, an experience that women, in particular, even men too, but women face. Like, we're, we have this image of, oh yeah, I used to look like this, or maintaining the weight that, you know, we were when we were 21, or 18, like, that's not, why do we think that that's normal?
Like, why do we think that that's the standard? That
Brittany: is one of those, like, 1, 000, 000 questions because we're, it is, it's so normal for our bodies to change as we grow. We see that we see that happen naturally from infancy to young adulthood and it's accepted and it's, Oh, there's, here's all these changes that quote unquote should happen, right?
We know, we know kids are supposed to get taller. We know our bodies change. We know for women, you know, we go through additional hormone changes. But for some reason we have in our heads, like, okay, well, now the change should stop. But we're going to change until our last breath.
That is just, that is how we're designed to continue to grow. I think it's just so much more, it feels so much safer to say, okay, well, Yes, I'm fine with growing taller or I'm fine with my muscles developing, or I'm fine with maybe for females, like getting some curves or having some of those hormonal changes and those feel more normal and more safe until bodies start changing in a way that we're like, Oh, maybe according to my own beliefs or societal beliefs or whatever it is, like, Now change is no longer something that should be a good thing.
And we throw that word should around so much. And so being able to remind ourselves, this is, we're going to change it. That is normal. And we've got to normalize the fact that we could still take care of our bodies as we age, we are still called to be good stewards and we can't just say like some changes, good.
And then this change just shouldn't happen. That's like, then maybe this is blunt. I'm going to say it anyway. Yes. Hey, hey, hey, God, um, what you planned for this stage of life is great, but I think you kind of dropped the ball, you know, at this point. And we've got to be able to say like, okay, Lord, you, you designed our bodies in this way for some reason, maybe I don't have the, the knowing or the wisdom to deal with that.
And maybe it feels scary, but instead of going, okay, well, that shouldn't happen and let me spend all of my time and energy and effort. Striving to make my body different. We just had, you guys were on my podcast just recently when we did it. We had a whole conversation about rest and not striving. And as adults, we are constantly striving to maintain a certain body size or composition or achieve one.
We just think like, okay, well, when I get to that point, then I can rest. And that's where body idolatry comes in body image idolatry, because we start saying, Hey, this thing is more important. My body is not good enough. This thing that I think I need to achieve is more important than everything else than my relationship with the Lord or my spouse or my friends or family, whoever, and we don't allow ourselves to experience those changes as we go.
And we just labeled them as bad.
Hannah: So I think that's
Brittany: something we've got to get our head around it. Age is normal and it's okay and it's actually a blessing from the lord if you're not changing like I said If we're not breathing, we're not growing
Hannah: That's that's how the lord designed it to be. Yeah Yeah, it's so true.
And you know, I like what you how you mentioned, you know It's like the striving to finally feel happy like i'll finally feel happy when i'm this size I'll finally feel satisfied and complete when you know, all of my efforts in the gym are actually showing in my physique. Um, or, you know, we hold on to a pair of pants that we're like, ooh, it's just like a couple inches too small.
And I know that like, maybe in a few weeks I can wear them. And we just hold on to them and have it as like the, the goalpost, you know, almost. And, you know, I think about how oftentimes we We even hold ourselves back from fulfilling the calling on our lives that God has placed on our lives of going out and doing things for his glory because we feel so dissatisfied and ashamed in our body and we just want to hide and it's like, well, I'm not, I'm not You know, pretty enough or I, I can't wear pretty enough clothes because I'm waiting to buy a new wardrobe until I lose weight.
And so I don't want to volunteer to be on praise team at my church because I don't feel like, you know, I just want to wait until I lose a little weight and I can buy my new wardrobe or, you know, whatever the case may be. Like, I don't want to go out and, and, and, you know, minister to high schoolers and middle schoolers because they're not going to listen to me because.
I'm in a bigger body and they're gonna think I'm lazy and they're gonna think, you know, whatever, whatever the case may be, or, you know, maybe your, your women's group is, is having a, a beach event or a poolside fellowship event and you miss out on it because you're embarrassed of, you know, wearing shorts or wearing a swimsuit and so, you know, when we have this expectation of like, once I reach this type of body, then I'll live my life.
It's, you know, we're never, we can't. I mean, we just, that's like saying, you know, um, I just have to wait till I'm married and then my relationship will be better. Or like, our relationship will be better once we have a kid.
Abbie: Oh boy. Oh boy. Which we know that in that scenario, if we play that out, when you do the next life stage thinking that that will solve everything, it just amplifies the issues.
It just sheds light on, on what's, what's wrong. It doesn't actually solve anything.
Hannah: Yeah, the issues are still the issues and the good things are still great and it's, you know, it's even like maybe your household is really chaotic and you're living in a, in a crowded apartment and you're like, you know, we're finally going to feel like a family once we buy a house.
It's like, well, there's like inner work that has to take place. And that's, that's, it's
Brittany: so true with the process of accepting body changes, but I think so often, and y'all both, y'all both mentioned this, we, we have these things that we think are going to make it better, but they're all. surface issues.
They're all exterior. Maybe they're like the result of something, but they're not a clause. And I know so often in our field. And in this practice, we talk about like getting to the root issues. And that's super important from, from a mindset standpoint, but also from a, like a faith and belief standpoint, because so I, what I see so often come up is that even more so than just being a Being concerned that like I need to reach a certain body size.
So much of that is rooted in fear. And there's a, um, there's a quote that I really liked from C. S. Lewis and he said, no one, no one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. I'm not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid, the same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness. And when I heard that, I was like, that's.
That's so true. Whenever we're really like sad or grieving, letting go of something, there's oftentimes, even if it's not fear, sometimes fear is the root. And it kind of, it kind of leads us in that direction. Um, and they feel so much the same. So sometimes it's hard to separate when, who things feel so much alike going, Oh, maybe, maybe there is some fear there.
And, and I think something that has been helpful for me to go back to is remembering that, that the enemy that Satan is. The father of lies. We, we read that, we read that, um, and a pastor shared this verse with me. It's from John 8, 44, and it's the, the verse about how Satan is the father of lies. I never picked up on the first half of the verse.
And so I'm going to see if I can go back here. Um, starting at the beginning of that verse, it says, he talking about Satan was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in truth because there is no truth in him. And it says this before it goes on to talk about him being the father of lies. When I go back and look at that, when we have that, that root of fear, when we're afraid of our body changing, or we're afraid about what's going to happen, but because our body is changing, I'm not going to be accepted.
So and so's not going to. Love me. I'm not going to feel as attractive or people aren't going to whatever, fill in the blank. There are a million things we can be afraid of, um, when it comes to body changes, going back and reminding ourselves, okay, we got to battle that fear. And we have to understand that Satan is the one oftentimes at the root of that, but there's no, he's not just lying to us, but there's no truth in it.
So from a really practical standpoint, when you want to battle those, those fears, Fear from that lie, and you recognize, okay, this is not the voice of God. This is the enemy trying to combat. You can, you can so often go and go, okay, well, the opposite is going to be true. Cause if there's no truth in him, that doesn't mean he, it's not just saying, well, he doesn't tell the truth.
That means he can't, he can't tell it. So whatever he's saying about you, the opposite has got to be true. So instead of, Saying, okay, well, if I feel like my body isn't good enough, opposite of that, my body is actually invaluable. When I feel like I'm inadequate, I am more than enough. I am capable. I'm more than a conqueror.
When I feel like, because my body is changing and I'm not happy with it, I'm always going to be alone. I hear this so often from my suite, like college students and young adults who are dying to be in a relationship and want to get married. And they're like, my body isn't good enough. I'm always going to be alone.
Being able to say, Jesus has never left my side. I've never been alone and he's going to lead me in the right direction. If I try to get into a relationship based on fear, it's going to be the wrong one, but they're done that. Okay. So, so that's another thing with body changing and being able just to say, okay, I've got to combat those fear based thoughts that are creating all this grief and all this maybe desire for the body to be different.
So I think that can be a really helpful practice.
Abbie: Yeah, I completely agree. And I don't, let me know what y'all think about this, but I feel like the root could be kind of like an orphan mentality thinking that God is going to leave us, or if we do something wrong, or if we gain too much weight, then we're not going to be pleasing and holy in the Lord's sight.
Right. And. Like what you were saying before, Brittany, that like, Oh, like God, you did well in this season, but Oh, and this, this next season, like, did you miss something? Did you mess up? Like now I'm like gaining this weight. It's like, God is so laser focused on your life and is so intentional. And he has gone before you and he's after you, he's with you, all these things.
It's like, God isn't, isn't messing up. And I think maybe there is a part of us that doesn't really believe that God will always be with us and that he holds us securely in his right hand. Like Psalm 63 talks about that. Like I hold you securely. And I just imagine like us being like a little grain of rice in his hand.
Like you can't, like, you can't escape him. And Psalm 139 talks about that. Like, you just can't escape his, his presence. And we need to know And like really receive into our heart that we are grafted into God's family. And when we're there, we're there and God has us, um, so securely. And I think we need to really own that.
And I think that that will help, to combat these, like the root of, of the fear that if we do something, if we look a certain way, if our body changes, then we will fall out of, out of right standing with God, because that's not true.
Hannah: So, Yeah, like our salvation is not based on, toned our abs are, right?
Like, our salvation is not based on, on works, and we know that, and we believe that, but are we really considering that when we think about, you know, our value as God's creation when it comes to our body changes? We're being very hard on ourselves.
Abbie: you recommend that people actually try and go through the stages of grief?
Brittany: so here's, here's my thought on this. Um, so, so there are lots of different studies that talk about the different stages of grief. There's five. And so I think we, It goes kind of in the order of denial.
So like, no, this isn't happening. But like, if you've lost somebody that you love, right, it doesn't, maybe it doesn't feel real or it's kind of surreal. And then there's anger. She get mad at whatever happens. Then there's this bargaining stage where you're like, okay, God, if you'll just like bring this person back or he'll get rid of this grief, then I'll whatever.
It's in that type of stage. Um, and then we fall more into that, the depressive. Stage where we're just like everything just kind of feels like it's falling apart and then eventually acceptance And I think we have this You know we have it in our minds like I'm gonna go from stage one to two to three to four to five and then I'm good And I will be in acceptance forever.
And I think that's a bunch of baloney I think we, we, well, they come in waves. I think we have these cycles of like, if you've ever, if you've ever had something really hard happen the next year, when it's that anniversary of that hard thing, maybe it comes up again and you think about it. Or if somebody says something, maybe somebody said something super hurtful to you, um, in elementary school and then you hear somebody else say it.
Make that same or similar comment to you or to somebody else, and it brings it back up again. And so it can be this cycle. It can be like waves where, okay, I go from anger, maybe straight to repression or acceptance. And then maybe in a couple weeks, Circles back and I go to another one. And so I think we can absolutely experience all of them and work our way through, but I think that requires an extra level of patience and grace for ourselves and going, I am allowed, like God created the capacity for me to have feelings and emotions, and none of them are bad.
Some of them are really stinking hard. Um, but they're not, they're not bad. So whether you are reading the body that you want, That you don't have yet or you're, you feel like will never happen or whether you are grieving the loss of a past body size that you wish you had again. Saying like, it's, it's okay to experience that.
And through the hope of Jesus, we don't have to stay in that place of grief. So yes, I think we'll notice as we work our way through those stages and also give ourselves grace to say like, Hey, if I have a really hard day, it doesn't mean I've backtracked and I've made no progress.
It's just. It's okay for those feelings to come up again. Now, hopefully I'm equipped to deal with them in a more constructive way where it doesn't lead to, you know, the resurgence of some old behaviors.
Abbie: Yeah, and we shouldn't be shutting down our feelings. It's feelings are not sinful. And I think sometimes if people are feeling their feelings or they're trying to grieve, then it's like, well, I should be grateful for my body.
I should be grateful for this gift. And, you know, maybe they just try and, you know, put some scriptures on top of it instead of dealing with their emotions. It's like, I should be grateful, but I think that that can be really harmful because you're not actually processing. the emotion and working through it.
And the emotion can't leave you if you don't let it come. And like, yes, we want to have anchor scriptures for sure. And we want to be turning to God's word to encourage us. But when you're trying to just shove God's word to suppress your feelings, that's where it can be a little toxic and an issue. So instead, We need to invite God into that process.
We need to bring those honest feelings and fears and any anger, any denial, like any of that. We need to bring that to the Lord and use as an opportunity to invite Jesus in to grieve with us because Jesus wept, Jesus, Jesus experienced loss, a whole range of feelings. And, um, so he empathizes and praise God that he sent Jesus.
To live the human experience so that Jesus can empathize.
Brittany: , and I think with that, the other side of that idea is we want to experience those feelings. We want to acknowledge they're there. And we also don't want to work up our feelings either, or let our feelings drive us.
We want our feelings to be indicators and not dictators. We want them to, to indicate like, Hey, here's what's happening. Here's what's going on in my body or my thoughts, and they don't get to drive the decision making process. We want to take them into consideration, but we also want to, like you said, invite the Lord into the process and say, God, what do I do with this now?
I'm not letting my feelings drive the bus, but I'm aware they're here and they matter. So help me deal with them in a way that's God honored.
Hannah: And I think too, like, yeah, like transforming the, I should be feeling grateful that I have a body that is able to carry me through my life and through my day and even through a walk in the neighborhood or whatever it may be, um, transforming the, I should be grateful to inviting God into the grieving process and say, Lord, I'm I feel like the enemy is causing me to carry this burden, and I do not want to carry this anymore.
I have been grieving this, and I want to give it to you, and I would love, God, for you to transform this sorrow and this shame into a feeling of gratitude. Help me feel grateful for the body that you have lost. Created for me to, to live this life and help me to steward it well. And so transforming the, because the, I should be grateful.
I should feel this. I shouldn't feel that. That's shame based, right? And then the Lord doesn't want us to feel that. Maybe we feel like we are Struggling with this for so long and we just want to shake it at this point We want to move on and it's weighing us down So inviting the lord in and saying lord help me transform these feelings into feelings of gratitude For my body and where it is right now um, and I love uh, britney that you mentioned that the stages of grief are More cyclical rather than linear and because you know working with eating disorders.
We know that recovery is not Linear either. Um, I don't think really anything is in this world because it's kind of like we'll never truly reach equilibrium and just stay there. Everything is kind of, you know, ebbing and flowing and, um, that's okay. That's okay.
Abbie: Absolutely.
Hannah: Yeah. We mentioned in a previous podcast.
Episode, I don't remember which one, about when you look at someone and notice their body changes and you assume that they've let themselves go. And how that is not always the case, that maybe, before, maybe they were struggling with a mental health issue. issue and now they are getting therapy, they are on meds, and maybe some of the side effects are weight gain.
So maybe they're better off right now than they were before, but all we are looking at is their physical body. Or maybe it's someone who was struggling to get pregnant and they really wanted to have a child and now they have had a child and their body hasn't quote unquote bounced back like society tells us it should and so we're looking at their physical body and judging the condition of it when in reality maybe they're better off, they're happier overall because now they have this child that they've prayed for and we're just looking at their physical body and how it's changed from the season before.
So, I think, you know, maybe people don't relate to this on a personal level, but maybe we can shift how we look at others as well. Um, and understanding that just because someone's body has changed does not mean that they have let themselves go. Uh, or that even that they're unhappy with the way that they are.
Maybe, maybe they're more content now. Yes. That's so true. That's something huge to
Abbie: consider. Yeah. And that's my personal story too, like in kind of prepping for this episode and thinking about things. I was like, wow. I'm going to a couple of weddings in the fall with people from high school when I was eight, like a little, little twig.
And now these people are seeing me years later. And yeah. I have gained weight and I think people might look at me and think that I've let myself go when in actuality, no, I've actually healed and I don't have disordered eating and I don't struggle with the fear of food and I'm in the happiest, healthiest relationship I've ever been.
I finally have a period and a regular cycle with manageable symptoms and I don't have cystic acne anymore. Like all these things. I'm like, wow. Like I was just kind of reflecting on. All the, oh my God, health issues, oh my gosh, like it's nice to not be in a flare up, you know what I mean? Right, yeah. All these things that have healed, but if you just considered, you know, weight equating to health, then someone would look at me and be like, oh boy, uh, Abby has really let herself go, when in actuality I've healed and been delivered from so much, and this is, this is God's grace, and, and his story is written all over me.
Brittany: Yes. And you have, you have permission to share as much of your story or not. It is nobody's business why you might have had some body changes. You may have no idea, or you may know, Hey, there's these contributing factors. I've had girls I've worked with that they were in such a small body size because they had some kind of chronic illness and similar like gut health issues.
I worked with someone who had cystic fibrosis and it was all they could do to Maintain weight because their body required it. Their body was fighting against them. And so that's, that's an extra bonus conversation for another day. It's just don't, it's never appropriate to comment on somebody else's body.
That's a whole nother episode, but, um, but yeah, I think. When we keep those things in mind about ourselves too, not just, Hey, in my head, if you're having those thoughts on like, don't like my body, I wish it looked different or it's no good. You just got to think about like, it's like letting a really bad roommate live rent free.
In your mind, like you would, if somebody, if somebody that you lived with was constantly talking to you and berating you like that, would you willingly choose to live together? And if you're, if you don't, if the answer is like, well, no, if somebody's calling me names or telling me I'm terrible, or I should change, or I'm not good enough.
No, I wouldn't willingly like be in that's that type of a roommate relationship. And so we have to remind ourselves that when those thoughts are coming, that's, those are from the enemy. Those are things that we have learned along the way. They are not. Our own thoughts. They're again learned at some point or imposed on us.
And so being able just to fight this back and go. I was, my body is not a mistake. It's not broken. We can again, take care of ourselves, but just because we. We engage in health promoting behaviors and we're stewarding our body well, that doesn't guarantee we're going to be in a particular body size that we think, again, quote unquote, we should be in.
So, again, more conversation for another day. Yeah. Some things to think about.
Hannah: And God calls us to take our thoughts captive, right? And, you know, through His strength, we can do that. Yeah. Thank you so much, Brittany, for, you know, just sharing all this very valuable insight. That you have with with our listeners and with us, you know, this was a really powerful conversation And I know that our listeners are really going to appreciate your take on all of this Um, where can our listeners connect with you and find you online?
Brittany: Yeah, I would love to Connect with all of you guys, um, on my podcast on the Joy Filled Eater. Uh, you can find me, I will shortly be back for my Instagram sabbatical, so y'all can connect with me on Instagram at BrittanyBrazilRD. Um, and then if you want some other resources to help you with grief, , we talk about grief and body changes, body image, um, all the time, um, inside.
Northfield Eater course. So I'd love to hang out with you there as well.
Hannah: All right. Thank you so much. It was an absolute pleasure. And we hope that you all enjoyed listening to Brittany. Be sure to connect with her and we will, um, have the, um, Instagram and her website linked up in the show notes.
Thank you for joining us on this episode of your daily bread. We hope you found inspiration and practical guidance to nourish your body and soul. Remember the journey to a healthier relationship with food and a deeper connection with Christ is ongoing and we're here to support you every step of the way.
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As we conclude today's episode, we encourage you to take what resonated with you into your quiet time with God, allow God to reveal to you any changes that you can make for his glory, trusting that you are fearfully and wonderfully made in his image. Stay tuned for our next episode where we'll continue to explore how God's word helps us heal our relationship with food in our bodies Until then may you find both physical and spiritual nourishment and may you be filled with his peace and joy.
God bless
