Episode 28 Transcript
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Abbie: Welcome to your daily bread with co hosts, Abbie Stasior and Hannah Calhoun. We're here to be your weekly source of spiritual nourishment, guiding you to find food freedom in a deeper connection with Christ.
Hannah: As we explore the intersection of faith and nutrition, these bite sized episodes will help you heal your relationship with food and your body through practical advice, biblical wisdom, and heartfelt encouragement.
Abbie: And as a disclaimer, we are not pastors, but passionate registered dietitians and sisters in Christ, offering our insights to support you on this faith filled journey to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Join us by taking a seat at our table as we break bread and allow God in to break the chains of diet culture.
Hannah: Hello. Today we are going to be discussing a parent wound and navigating that. So I'm going to open us up with Ephesians 6 verse 4. It says, Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. So it's Father's Day week. And this is a lovely week for many people, but it can also be a sad week for some people.
Um, you know, maybe this discussion won't resonate with you in regard to your father, but maybe your mother, uh, or another parental figure in your life. Um, but Abby and I have said, seen in a lot of individuals that we have spoken to, that we have worked with, that they come from households where either their dad or their mom, um, had them on a very strict diet as a child.
Maybe the dad was making them step on the scale once a week, um, I had even heard of an individual whose dad would do that to her and her sister, and whoever had lost more weight would get, like, a treat, like an outing, or get to pick, like, what they were doing on the weekend.
Abbie: Oh no!
Hannah: Yeah. Yeah.
Abbie: Oh my gosh.
Hannah: Yeah.
Abbie: Wow. And it
Hannah: was like a competition almost and so this can be very painful and damaging. Um, a lot of people maybe grow up, maybe they're the chubby child and, um, their sibling who's in a different size body can You know, have the dessert can opt out of a sport and do like music instead, but their parents are like, no, you can't have the dessert.
No, you can't have a second serving. No, you can't play piano. You have to do soccer. You have to do gymnastics or whatever it may be because you need to lose weight because you're fat because, you know, whatever, whatever they might say, this is, this is painful. And I think one of the biggest things is that when people have a parent wound.
Particularly a father wound, it's really hard for them to wrap their head around the fact that we have a perfect and loving Heavenly Father. And, you know, when, when you grow up with your dad, uh, critiquing your body all the time, Um, it's, it, it gets to you. And you're like, it, cause, cause, what, the idea that God is our Heavenly Father, we, Our dad and our mom are, are, like, perfect in our eyes when we're growing up, right?
And so when we learn that God is our Heavenly Father, we, we compare that to how our dad was growing up oftentimes. And so if that was a painful relationship, It's really hard to connect with God.
Abbie: It can be. Yes, absolutely. And a lot of people, at least a lot of people that have, are coming from a background of church, her or a strained relationship with a parent, they also believe that God is very domineering and condemning, critical, harsh, and God is not that way.
Um, and a lot of people just based on my conversations with patients and clients feel rejected or felt rejected growing up. by a parent, um, because of their size. And I think it's, it's really hard when parents think that when they're, you know, and I have compassion on parents too, because they are victims of diet culture as well.
Um, they believe that what we eat and how we exercise leads to weight calories, inverse calories out where we know our bodies are so much more complicated than that weight is multifactorial. Um, So I just feel like there's, you know, there's a growing body of information and resources that show that weight is multifactorial and not just calories in versus calories out.
So I almost feel like it's like not acceptable anymore. Like we kind of need to open our eyes to these things. Um, or I pray that the veil is lifted, um, because it's, it is planting a seed of rejection in a lot of children. And that can manifest in a lot of different ways. So I think it's really important that if you are someone listening to this right now and you do feel rejected, like we need to curse that spirit of rejection and you need to receive the spirit of adoption.
And you need to know that you are grafted into God's family. Romans talks all about this, that you are grafted into God's family tree, um, and that you receive, um, you know, sonship and, and daughtership through Christ. Um, I just think that's, that's super, super important.
Hannah: Yeah. Like I just read in Ephesians do not fathers do not exasperate your children instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord And I think there's a lot of pressure because parents are like well my 11 year old is getting kind of pudgy and I don't know what to do and the Pediatrician says that they're in the whatever percentile and that they need to you know You're not supposed to put a growing child on a On a diet per se, um, and I'm like a huge advocate for, you know, one person in the family should not be singled out the entire family as a whole should Together, collectively engage in health promoting behaviors, you know, having those family meals together are super important if they're feasible, you know, I know that work, corporate America can get in the way.
Um, but those family meals, even if it's just dinner are so important. And, um, you know, modeling like, let's all go for a walk together after dinner if that's feasible in your neighborhood. Um, let's go to the park on the weekend, whatever, whatever it may be, like, the family as a whole is engaging in, you know, just normal activities of daily living that are health promoting, not like, okay, yeah, not like, we had pizza on Friday, so now we all gotta go for a run on Saturday morning, like, not that type of attitude, but just very, like, Togetherness, quality time, let's all go for a walk, let's do this, let's do that, you know, so, and I think that the, that we all want to be healthy, right?
So it's not like the fat person has to be healthy, the fat person has to try extra hard. We all should be doing the same thing, hello? You know, having the balanced meals, you know, engaging in some type of movement, engaging in rest, and the most important thing is to train your children up in the instruction of the Lord.
You know, we're gonna, we're gonna struggle with our bodies throughout this life, but spiritual nourishment, It's so, so, so important and you can't control the health outcomes of your, of your child in the future. Um, you know, you, we don't, we, we only have so much control in this world over our physical bodies.
We're subject to disease. We're subject to death because there sit in this world, but the most important thing is for a household to be grounded in God's word.
Abbie: Remember what God says about us, because that, that is the truth. And when we're critical towards our bodies, we're being critical towards God and God's design.
So I think if you have a household with parents that are rooted in God's word, hopefully they know Psalm 139, where it says we're knit together in the womb. We're fearfully and wonderfully made. And. You know, the scriptures that talk about that. God knows every hair on our head. He said more thoughts about us than there are greens of sand, these sorts of things.
So God knows your design. And one thing that came up on my, um, client retreat a couple of weekends ago was we were talking about different body types and celebrating different body types. And one of my clients brought up, she was like, wow, what if God? Intentionally designed people to have different body types because not everyone would hear or resonate with the gospel.
If everyone was just in the same body type, we need people that look different to reach different types of people. I was like, wow, that was such a different perspective. Like what if we celebrated biodiversity and did very gentle, um, health, promoting behaviors that would be honoring to the body, nourishing to the body versus being harsh to the body.
We just talked. Last week about how the water and the rock we don't want to beat ourselves into submission. We don't want to be harsh towards the body. What can you do that would be health promoting, but gentle and affirming? And that is rooted in how God would treat you, how God would speak to you. And if you yourself can't Um, hear or say kind things to yourself, just where you are with your body image or what you heard growing up, then you need to silence your own thoughts and remember that you have the mind of Christ.
You need to hear. Okay. I don't have any good thoughts about myself. What would God say about me? And go to his word.
Hannah: Hmm. Absolutely. And remembering to like. In 1st Timothy 4 verse 8 how it says for physical training is of some value but godliness has value for all things holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.
So it's not to say that physical training has no value because it literally says in God's word for physical training is of some value and like we talked about we are going to be subject to disease and death in this world because of sin. So we've talked about this time and time again on this podcast about how we can do our best, um, to steward our bodies well and to lead a healthful life.
But maybe one day we'll have diabetes. Maybe one day, you know, maybe we'll have high cholesterol. Maybe we'll be deficient in this and maybe it's just a genetic predisposition. Maybe it's, you know, we all have a terminal illness called sin. And. You know? There, there is eternity. Eternity exists. And we have to make sure, yes, that we're stewarding our bodies well on this earth, but that we are right with God for eternity.
You know for for that eternity, um, and so During this father's day weekend if you are experiencing Mixed feelings and if those those those conversations are coming up in your head that that were discussed when you were a child Um critiques about your body critiques about your weight critiques about your eating about your your movement um, just remember that Like Abby had mentioned in Psalm 139, that we, God created us, He knit us together in our mother's womb, we are fearfully and wonderfully made, um, you know, all of the hairs on our head are numbered, and we are worth more than jewels.
He loves us. We're created in his image. And, you know, if you are a parent out there and you're struggling because other parents are saying, Oh, your kid's filling out a little bit and your daughter's getting a little pudgy and her jeans are no longer fitting. Like that is not, that is not life giving. And so we want to make sure that the conversations we are having with our children are life giving.
And do not allow the pressures and pride and competitions of this world to get in the way of what you know is true from God's word. Don't let the, the pressures of conversations with other moms, um, or parents or family members, um, give you an attitude of criticism toward your child. I, um, I think that that's, that's where a lot of the pressure comes from.
Abbie: Yeah, I agree. And you know, you can't lead someone else where you haven't been yourself. So if you, if there are a lot of harsh actions or a lot of harsh words towards a child, and if a child is seeing like, wow, this is what, you know, if you're looking back, this is what I grew up with. Like, this is kind of the out of pocket, like very, like diet culture y things that a parent did or said to me growing up.
Those behavior things are, rooted in a deeper belief system. So that's where, you know, parents need to change their beliefs, be enlightened to what beliefs they hold about health or bodies or anything like that diet culture that aren't serving them and aren't serving their children. So I, Just hope and pray that parents can receive more of God's unconditional love that they can start to see themselves as God sees them, because then it will be easier for parents to extend that grace and that love to their children.
Hannah: Hmm. 100%.
Thank you for joining us on this episode of your daily bread. We hope you found inspiration and practical guidance to nourish your body and soul. Remember the journey to a healthier relationship with food and a deeper connection with Christ is ongoing and we're here to support you every step of the way.
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As we conclude today's episode, we encourage you to take what resonated with you into your quiet time with God, allow God to reveal to you any changes that you can make for his glory, trusting that you are fearfully and wonderfully made in his image. Stay tuned for our next episode where we'll continue to explore how God's word helps us heal our relationship with food in our bodies Until then may you find both physical and spiritual nourishment and may you be filled with his peace and joy.
God bless
