ep 21
[00:00:00] Welcome to The Be About Being Better podcast, where we help people make evidence-based sustainable. Small changes for their health that compounded the huge shifts towards a better, more vibrant life. I'm your host Abbie Stasior, a health and life coach, future registered dietician, a master's graduate from Columbia University, and a certified intuitive eating counselor.
And I believe that we can't make lasting or meaningful change single handedly. So I'm so happy that you're here so that together you can see that a diet free, sustainable lifestyle is possible, and you can leverage that to live a better life. And remember my disclaimer, This podcast is meant to give you general information.
And it's not meant to substitute or replace medical advice, a diagnosis or serve as treatment. Y'all. Did you know that Elvis Presley literally died of a heart attack because he was straining so hard to go to the bathroom trying to pass a bowel movement, that he literally had a heart attack on the toilet? Did you? I was day years old when I found out about. I'm just like so shook right now. Also, he had not passed a bowel movement for like six months.
What? Oh my God. I mean, I'm sure he was just on so many medications and hopped up on whatever, like that's just all these rock stars. That's just how it, how it was. How it is. But um, yikes, can you believe that? And I'm thinking to myself, if this man just had the Nerva app, if he just had the Nerva app, he would've been able to pass a bowel movement.
So if you don't know what the Nerva app is, let me tell you, because the Nerva app literally changed my life. The Nerva app is a meditation. It's technically gut directed hypnotherapy. Now, that's a lot of words, but really it's visualization meditation. It's a very short 15, 20 minute visualization meditations that help you heal your gut.
Specifically, it's an evidence-based app and it's found to help people that have i b s Irritable Bowel syndrome, but it can also help people like me that have SIBO, small intestinal bacterial overgrowth. It has helped people with IBD, Inflammatory bowel disease and so many other gut conditions. It's also helped people with anxiety that may have some bloating or other stomach issues passing gas or just irregular bowel movements.
You know, this app is literally magic and why I love it, whether or not you've listened to the Gut health episode that I did recently, which you should definitely go back and listen to, I Got Health episode. But if you haven't yet heard it, you know, or maybe you don't know, but I'm gonna tell you right now, when I was trying to heal my.
It ruined my relationship with food. It ruined, crushed my body image, crushed my confidence. Totally. It took my metabolism, crumpled it up through it in the trash, like put it through the shredder. It. Totally messing. I mean, I was losing my hair. I was losing so much weight. My nails were so brittle. I was cold all the time.
I was still having symptoms, uh, , still having irregular bowel movement, still having super bad bloating. Like it was just not a good time when I was trying to heal my gut and do all of these different things that I go over in the episode. So I knew that if I wanted to heal my gut sustainably, I needed a non diet way to do that.
I needed to not heal my. Not manage my stress all through food. Now, sometimes with these different gut health conditions, you do need some certain nutrition considerations, and that's where I would encourage you to go see a dietician, sign up for coaching, get personalized support, see a gastroenterologist, make sure you have a confirmed diagnosis because there are certain nutrition considerations for these things, but we can't always rely everything on nutrition
and especially for I B S, irritable bowel syndrome, so much of that is anxiety induced and psychological, and we have this gut brain connection. So if our brain is having a lot of anxiety, , then our gut's gonna feel awful. Not not gonna digest as well. So a lot of consideration. So that's why I love the Nerva app, because I could literally eat whatever I want.
I could keep practicing intuitive eating, keep doing all the things that I love to do and not restrict myself. And heal my gut. And I finally was able to get myself to a place where I now have regular bowel movements. Y'all, it is so nice to just like, go once a day and have it be like a normal stool. it, it is such a gift, and you're listening to this right now and you're like, I do have normal stools.
All right, good for you girl. Uh, not everyone does though . Um, so if you don't. You need the Nerva app, and I encourage you right, right now, to go into the show notes, download the nerva app and start the seven day free trial. Like there's no risk. And if you do sign up for a membership, the link gives you 10% off. So definitely do that and just try it for seven days. See what you think. It's all evidence-based. They've done research on this. You'll know I'm all about the research, so you literally have nothing to lose. I just don't wanna see us ending up like Elvis, y'all on the toilet straining, having a heart attack, not being able to pass bowel movement for like six months.
Like, I don't, I don't know what happened exactly, but, uh, where does the food go? It just, it just stays there. Like, that's not good. That's not healthy if you don't go for. Two or three days that's caused for serious concern for constipation issues. This guy wasn't gone for six months.
Oh my God. Download the nerve app. Let's get this shit under control, literally. So for today's episode, we're gonna be diving into. Like why you need accountability and what is the right type of accountability? How many times raise your hand right now? How many times have you said that you are going to start a new workout plan with a friend and maybe you're consistent.
Y'all go together to your orange theory classes or your peer bar. You go to your college gym or whatever for a couple weeks and you feel good. You're in a good routine. You're in a good. and then you know, one person, oh, I can't make it. Oh, I'm busy. Or, oh, something came up. Oh, I'm sick. And then if they're not going, why would you go?
You can't go without them. You're supposed to be doing this together, and then you both just fizzle out and you stop working out. How many times? I can't even tell you how many times I've done that myself. It's just, it's, it's how it happens. We get so excited with our friends and I think sometimes it's rare to.
Have people in our friend group, people that we're in person with all the time, that have the same goals as us at the same time and the same level of motivation. So when we find that, I mean we're, we're human beings. We want to connect and we want to collaborate. We want to partner with other people. I think we were just as human beings made for that.
So, Naturally we're wired. If somebody has that same motivation, has the same goals, is interested in connecting with us, collaborating with us, hell yeah, we're gonna jump on it. Like I just think we're naturally wired that way. So it makes sense that if someone's like, oh yeah, I'm starting to, I really wanna start going to the gym, or, oh, I wanna start drinking more water this year.
Hell yeah, me too. I wanna be hydrated. Oh my God, I was thinking the same thing. Let's do it together. I think it's natural to want to do that. However, It can be a slippery slope because in the example, like I just explained, if one person starts falling off the wagon, if they start not showing up, if especially if they're a friend or a family member, somebody that's close to you, it makes it hard because you're not able to really hold that person accountable if they're making excuses. Now, if somebody's like sick, it's like you shouldn't be pushing yourself to go to the gym, but if they're just like, oh, I'm not really feeling it today, but they could go to the gym even if it's just for a couple minutes or do a lighter workout or whatever. It was like if they could go, but they're not really feeling up to it.
It's like, you know, if that's like your best friend. You probably won't be inclined to be like, girl, get you booted to the gym. Let's go. We committed to this. Like I'm holding you accountable. I think it's really hard to give the people that we love, the people that we're so close to that tough love that we need sometimes, and I think it's also hard.
On the flip side, when we've both committed to something, I think it's, it's hard for us to discern when do we give ourselves grace? And I think if that's coming from a friend or a family member, we might not take it genuinely. If someone's like, oh, let's, okay, don't worry, take the night off, blah, blah, blah.
Because we might assume, uh, do they really feel that way? Do they, are they gonna think I'm lazy if I do? Are they wanting me to not go to the gym and kind of like not follow through on the commitment because they don't wanna follow through on the commitment? Is it gonna give them permission to kind of be looser with things and, and not fully committed?
Like there's just so many, it's not necessarily ulterior motives, but there's just a lot of dynamics And you know, we also could be thinking to ourselves, is this person telling me. to give myself grace and not go to the gym tonight because they genuinely think I need to relax and that I'm overdoing it.
Or are they just not comfortable confronting me and actually holding me accountable, giving them the tough love that I need? And I think it's hard to discern that if we ourselves don't know. When we need to work through excuses and when we need to exert some discipline and take action and when we need to give ourselves grace.
Because most of the clients that I work with cannot discern that they are, and this is probably you listening to this. I know I have previous clients, current clients that are listening to this and people that are just very similar to the clients that I work with listening to this cuz that's the be about being better community.
That's our be about being better family. We want to be better. We wanna strive for a higher level of success. We are people pleasers. We are high achievers. So we tend to feel lazy if we are not achieving, if we're not doing, if we're not fully committed, If if we're not doing that all the time and checking all the boxes, then we're lazy. We're a failure. We're doing nothing, where it's like, okay, no , that's not, that's not true. So it's hard for us to discern when, what's an actual excuse and when do we need to exert some discipline and take action and when do we need to give ourselves grace?
And it's not us being lazy, but it's actually us slowing down so that we can speed up. It's us recharging, filling our picture so that we can pour into the glasses of others. We can pour into the glasses of our other roles and responsibilities for the day. So, yeah, it's hard to discern that. So that's why I think it's hard f for friends and close family members to be our main accountability source.
I just think there's other subconscious or maybe conscious things going on and we're not able to. Give the honest feedback and the tough love that people need and we might not always be able to receive that or trust that what our friends and family members are saying about our goals are following through.
And that is really what they think. Because someone might be saying, oh, give yourself grace, it's okay. But in the back of their mind they, they may be thinking, This person's like, just based on their own experience and their own held beliefs. Like you're not lazy for not going to the gym, but somebody else might be thinking that.
You know? So it's just, it's so hard to to tease out, and that just makes it complicated. So we need to do our own goals for us. And if somebody wants to join you and go to the gym, if they wanna go to that orange theory class, if they wanna drink more wine, good. Great. Let them. But you need to follow through on your goals regardless of what other people are doing.
Regardless of if, if your friend shows up or not, if your sister shows up or not, you need to still show up for you and do your thing. Now, I'm not saying you need to be perfect and consistent every single day because you need a break as well. You need to listen to your body. You can't be overextending yourself, so you gotta, you know, be able to, to tease that out and work that.
but you can't not follow through on your goals and keep going if it's the right thing for you. If other people aren't follow like you, you need to be able to do this for you. . I was talking to a client the other day and she recently went through a breakup and I'm like, girl, Sam . So we're bonding over that and she was, you know, telling me and opening up that she just let all of her healthy habits g, you know, go to the wayside and, and out the window.
And she was so devastated by this breakup. And I'm like, girl, I have been there. I feel you. And, you know, so I'm, I'm working with her now. Through. How do we do some healthy habits? Not everything, but some things to give you a routine, give you some control. Cause there's so much in life we can't control. So let's focus on what we can control.
We can get dressed every day. We can brush our hair, we can drink more water. Maybe we can go for a walk. Maybe a workout class is too much. Maybe go to the gym is too much. But can we go for a walk? Can we stretch? Can we get groceries delivered? If you don't feel energetically or emotionally up for dealing with the grocery store.
So there's so many things that we, we could do and that can support us while we're working through these bigger emotional things and these life changes. And also she was starting to almost feel like a failure. Like, ugh, like I can't believe that. . I let this man and this relationship have so much of a hold on me where the relationship's not going well, so now my health isn't going well.
Whereas when the relationship is going well, then my healthy habits are going well. I hate that those two are so tied together and you know, we've had many conversations about this. We will continue to have many conversations about this in our coaching. But I explained to her, I'm like, this is not a failure.
This is feedback. This is such great data for you, because, because now you know these things are linked and now we can work on it. You have to have that self-awareness so that you can actually make a change. If you're not aware of it, then you can't make a change. So this is the first step. So don't beat yourself.
Everything is happening for a reason. Everything is happening for you, and it's happening in perfect timing and it's okay. So we're gonna work on it, and we are go, we're working on this exact thing. How do we hold ourselves accountable? How do we start to develop internal motivation instead of relying on external things or how other things are going, like our relationships or our job or our family life?
We can't let those external things influence how we show up for ourselves and actually showing up for ourselves in some way. Doing some sort of healthy habits will help us deal with the ever-changing and uncertain external circumstances. So how do we start to develop more internal motivation? Well, number one, number one, I feel like I talk about this all the time, but it is worth repeating.
You need to go through the seven layers deep. Why exercise? I've gone through it in previous episodes. Uh, the most recent episode I went through it is my new Year's resolution episode. And by that I. Instead of New Year's resolutions, try this. So go look to that episode. It was just a couple ago, and listen to that.
Do the seven layers deep y exercise. You need to have a stronger why for your goals and your stronger why needs to come from you. It needs to have, you need to have an emotional tie to these. So definitely do that exercise that will help you with that internal motivation. Why is it important for you to take action and really sit with that and and think on it?
And the other thing is, after you do the Y exercise, you need to focus less on what you're going to do and what action steps you're going to take. And. Focus on the feelings. Focus on how you want to feel. We're not human doings. We're human beings, so we can't focus on all the action all the time. We need to focus on how to be and and how we want to be, and how we want to feel, and if we focus on how we want to feel, the action steps will come naturally because we'll start to think, okay, if this is, if I'm here at point A and I'm feeling this way, but I want to be at point B and I want to feel that way, what do I need to do? What do I need to change to get myself there? What is actually going to generate those feelings? So that's just kind of naturally the next step is, okay, I know how I wanna feel now, how can I generate those feelings?
And if you don't know, You gotta sit with that, you gotta meditate on it and try different things. It's trial and correction and it's like, hmm, actually meditation made me a little bit more anxious. Which meditation might make you more anxious at first because you're not used to slowing down and like being alone with your thoughts and calming down. So you need to lean into that discomfort. And if you ever say to yourself, I don't have time to meditate, that's what you need to meditate most, because you're probably rushing around so crazy. Life's just going a mile a minute. So you probably need to force yourself to slow down. So you need to have some trial and correction. Try different things and see how it makes you feel. And if it's not generating the feelings that you wanna feel, then you know you need to try something different. And it's nice because you will be doing things in acting from an internal.
State from an internal motivation, because you are acting, you are taking action to make you yourself feel a certain way more confident, happier at peace, energized, motivated, calm, prepared, like those are all internal things. And so you're not taking action to get a compliment from somebody else to get noticed by somebody else.
To get likes on social media to fix your relationship or, or I don't know, to get recognized at work. It's like you're acting to make you feel good, and when you feel good, that has a ripple effect. So good things just start happening to you. It's wild how that is. And I'm sure you have a point in your life where you were operating in a high vibe, a energized state, you were feeling in alignment and good things were just happening.
So you know that you can get back there. I know you can too. So focus on the feelings and focus on your. and do that seven layer deep exercise and go listen to that instead of New Year's resolution. Try this episode and that will help you. And then write down, here are the three to five feelings that I want to cultivate more.
And then start to think, okay, what? What makes me feel that way? What can generate those feelings and the right action steps coming from an internal place will naturally. and it's not that all external motivation is bad, so I'll end with this. External motivation can be really helpful to follow through on a new goal and, and a habit, especially if you are trying to keep up with water intake and stay more hydrated to have a push notification to remind you to drink more water, that can be so helpful in the beginning.
And I even recommend for my clients, uh, a lot of my a d, ADHD clients that are on medication that suppresses their. It's really helpful to have regular meal times and to Remi cuz they might not be able to rely on some of those hunger cues because of their meti, uh, their medication. So they need reminders on their phone to remember, oh, hey, it's time to eat.
This is when my body needs fuel. Even though I might, I might not be able to feel it myself. So sending reminders on your phone, getting that extra push notification, that external cue can be very helpful and it's okay to have an accountability buddy, but you need to be able to show up regardless of if your buddy's there or not, if your buddy's drinking the water or not. You have to do it for you, and people can join you on your journey along the way. I'm not discouraging that because I think community is essential.
Community is important, but regardless of what your community is doing, you still have to be able to show up for you, and I also think it's helpful. As a coach, I feel like I have to say this, but also as a coach that is being coached, I always am investing in people that are supporting me, whether that's with my business, with my health, a therapist, like I'm always investing in coaching support so that I can learn and that I can be held accountable.
And I've been offering accountability and coaching support to hundreds of people across five different continents for the last five years. So I know the power of accountability. I know the power of having an external coach support come in. Someone that isn't emotionally tied, isn't part of your family, but that can see things in your life from a different vantage.
and give you more objective feedback that can give you that tough love if you need. It can help you see the blind spots or the unconscious habits that we have that we don't see. They can help point that out and help correct that and bring that to lights that we can actually fix it and create better habits and better thought patterns.
So I think coaching support is just so, so helpful. And if you're curious about what coaching support could look like with me. Definitely head to the show notes, take my quiz, see which one of our health coaching programs could be for you. And once you finish the quiz, it tells you what program is best for you based on how you took the quiz.
And that will lead to a website page with more information about that program. My dms are always open, sending me a message on Instagram. You can send me an email to be about being better gmail.com. You can message me on TikTok, I'll respond and we can go over if you have questions about the program or if you read it and you're like, Hmm, I, this is when I got in the quiz.
It doesn't quite sound like me. Hey, let's, you know we have five different coaching programs that we offer. Let's see which one is best for you. Or, Hey, let's get on a call and see which one is best for you. So definitely start with the quiz and if you've already taken the quiz and you're curious about coaching support and what I'm offering right now, send me a DM and say coaching support. And I will help you with giving you some coaching support and likely getting on a call, learning about you, seeing what your goals are right now for the new year, and we'll see how I can best support you. I hope that this was helpful. I hope this gave you some more ideas for accountability and what action steps you can take to better hold yourself accountable.
Because if you're able to do that and to motivate. Not be perfect all the time, but to remotivate yourself whenever you need to recommit to your goals, that will help you with the sustainability of the lifestyle. Thanks so much for listening, and I'll see y'all in the next episode.
Hey y'all. Thanks again for listening to the Be About Being Better podcast. I so appreciate you. If this episode made you laugh, smile, think about yourself or your life differently, in any way, making your life better, I empower you to share the show with three people who just like you, need to hear this message and have this type of transformation in their lives.
I personally read all the reviews the show and see the Instagram story shares. It honestly gives me so much joy to see that our mission is making people's lives better, and the reviews really do help in increasing our impact. So thank you so much for taking the time to do that. If you need personalized support with anything discussed in today's episode or need help creating a sustainable diet free lifestyle, take my quiz.
It's linked below in the show notes, and that quiz will help you see which one of our coaching programs is right for you. Thank you so much again for listening and hears to being about being better.
