Episode 16 Transcript
[00:00:00] Welcome to The Be About Being Better podcast, where we help people make evidence based sustainable, small changes for their health that compounded the huge shifts towards a better, more vibrant life. I'm your host Abbie Stasior, a health and life coach, future registered dietician, a master's graduate from Columbia University, and a certified intuitive eating counselor.
And I believe that we can't make lasting or meaningful change single handedly. So I'm so happy that you're here so that together you can see that a diet free, sustainable lifestyle is possible, and you can leverage that to live a better life. And remember my disclaimer, This podcast is meant to give you general information.
And it's not meant to substitute or replace medical advice, a diagnosis or serve as treatment.[00:01:00] Hello. Hello. Welcome back to the Be About Being Better podcast. Today we're gonna be talking about how to respond to comments about your eating. This is so pertinent for this time of year. I feel like, I don't know what it is about the holidays, but everyone just feels like they have permission now to comment on what other people are eating and what other people are doing are not doing for their health. And this just isn't okay. And I think if you're listening to this right now, you know that it's not okay. But how do we deal with it? Because even though we know that it's not okay, we're still gonna have parents crazy uncles, aunts.
like so many friends, family members that are going to still be commenting on our eating and our health and our body shape and size, and how do we navigate that through the holiday season. So that's what I wanna talk about today, especially because I was out to dinner recently with a family [00:02:00] friend and they were going on and on and on about how they've been trying to lose weight and their crazy workout routine and what they've been eating, and this happens a lot.
People know that I'm working to be a registered dietician. I've been health coaching for almost five years. Like people are always asking me about my opinions on different supplements and different diets and foods and things like that. And so it's not uncommon for me to be talking about nutrition a lot . Or I've seen this online and here's an opportunity for me to ask someone. So it's pretty common for people to ask me nutrition questions when I go out or have people talk about what they do for their health when I'm out to dinner with them. So it's pretty common. It's kind of annoying sometimes, but I also get it.
But I also wonder, like these people have to know, , I'm working to be a non diet dietician and that I wanna get away from dieting, and I'm an intuitive eating counselor. Maybe they didn't know, but [00:03:00] if anyone follows me on Instagram or TikTok, you kind of know like what my values are because I'm very transparent and very clear about my values when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle.
So it's just interesting when people talk to me about dieting and like wanting to lose weight, it's. Are you just trying to get a rise out of me? Like what do you think I'm gonna say? Like, I'm not for this and I have to walk this line of me knowing in the back of my head, I don't agree with this, but me still wanting to be respectful.
to the person I'm talking to because it's not, it's not really my place. Like give somebody advice when we're like out to dinner, unless they're specifically asking for it, maybe, but I don't even know if that's the right context. So I don't know. I just feel like always kind of dealing with this and I sometimes go back and forth like, is.
Like what's the lesser of two evil? Someone going on and on about their [00:04:00] routine and what they're doing, not commenting on me. Or is it worse to have somebody actually commenting on how I look or what I'm eating? Which definitely happens to me a lot just in my own life. Commenting on what I'm eating, but also people will say like, oh, you're going to order that.
Like, that's, that's not healthy. Or, um, oh, like you should be ordering a salad and things like that. Because I'm a nutrition professional and a health coach. It's like, well, no, I'm also an intuitive eating counselor, so I'm intuitively eating when I want to. But you know, so I get those comments as well and I think about like, what's the lesser two evils, like me having to deal with diet culture talk the whole time, or having people comment on what I'm eating and judging me for that.
I think it's probably. Like, I think it's worse to have people commenting on what I'm eating, but I also realize sitting there, it's also really hard to be sitting, listening to somebody else go on and on and on about the [00:05:00] diet that they're doing, the workout program that they're doing, because it does make you think about what you're doing.
It makes you question. , am I doing enough? Am am I doing too much? Is what I'm doing healthy? Like, oh, I should try what they're doing. And it, it, even me, I feel like I'm so secure with my healthy lifestyle. I feel like I'm, I'm still susceptible to diet culture talk. Like as this woman was talking, when we're out to dinner, I'm in the back of my head thinking like, maybe I should start something on Monday.
And I'm like, wait, no. That's like an old programmed diet culture thought. Like, we need to squash that right now. So it's natural for these things to come up. So I think it's, yes, it is so difficult to have people say stuff to you directly about what you're eating, but it is, it can also be hard in our society having a history of dieting to hear other people talk about what they're doing because it makes you question what you are doing.
So I just think it's hard all around [00:06:00] and so I wanna, you know, speak a little bit to, to that today. And I also wanna bring up to preface this episode, we always have a preface. We always have a caveat, uh, something that I mentioned in our confidence episode. So if you haven't listened to the confidence episode, definitely go back and listen to that.
Um, but I mentioned at the end that. . You know, there's certain things that confident people don't do, and one of those things is that confident people don't take advice from, like, people that don't matter. So I want you to bring that into this holiday season. I want you to translate that here because you might be getting.
advice or comments from people in your life that you don't really see that much. That may be their family, but you're not really that close with them. So you just really wanna take those comments with a grain of salt and just, it's like you're wearing a raincoat. Just let it kind of wash off You. Don't let it actually [00:07:00] stick to you because you have to ask yourself, does this person really matter?
Like does their, is their opinion relevant to me in my life? are they making an effort to see things from where I stand, where I come from? Are they putting themselves in my shoes? The answer's probably not. So don't let comments that your diet culture aunt or your weird uncle, like whatever they're saying, don't let that affect you because their opinion might not be relevant to you.
Now you might get in a situation where the comments that people are saying are coming from people that do matter to you, and that's, that's something that you can take a little bit more, a little bit more seriously. I've had so many clients tell me over the years, they're like, yeah, like I'm really close with my mom, or I'm really close with my sister, but they say these things or something they do or they say, makes me feel a certain way and it makes it really hard to go home during the holidays and it just brings up a lot of extra emotions. So I hear those, hear [00:08:00] those concerns too. So one thing I wanna say is that if anyone is saying something to you, commenting on what you're eating or your body shape and size or your habits, that says more about them than it does about you.
it really doesn't say anything about you. It says it really has everything to do with them because relationships are a mirror. It really is a mirror into what you wanna work on with yourself or what voids you have, what shortcomings you have, and that comes out through people's comments because it, it's reflecting back.
What their insecurities are, the things that they need to work on. So I know it's easy for me to say don't take it personally, but I really want you to try to not take things personally this holiday season, because if you keep in the forefront of your mind that this isn't personal, this has everything [00:09:00] to do with them, maybe hurt people, hurt people, and you try and be empathetic and put yourself in their shoes.
it can have you be less defensive and not take things personally because you know, like, this has something to do with them, has nothing to do with me. So that that can help some other things that you can say in situations where people are going on and on about their diet or commenting on what you're doing or like suggesting and trying to put onto you what's working for them.
You could say like, I'm so glad that that's working for you. I've tried diets and they just don't work for me. that's perfectly fine for you to say and then you can kind of move on. You can also say, I've been working on intuitively eating, or, yeah, I've been researching kind of a, a non diet approach. to eating called intuitive eating.
I've been working on that. You know, it's an evidence-based model I've seen a lot of success with. I'm [00:10:00] happier, I'm healthier, and it's really working for me, and I'm, I'm just starting to dive into it, and so that's what I'm prioritizing now versus other things. Or you could just say like, even if you are working on health, you could even say to family members, like, you know, I'm just really focused on my career right now, where my relationships are working on my faith and or my friendships or, My school program or moving to a new city, like I'm just focused on these other things right now, not super focused on that.
And that could say to them, don't really wanna talk about health. I'd rather focus on these things. So that, that could be really helpful. And if you think of a few questions to ask people to change the subject or things to bring up that don't have anything to do with diet culture, that can be really helpful too.
So it's like you could make a comment but then quickly change the subject to keep things going and get the talk off of diet culture talk. So that can be really, [00:11:00] really helpful in those scenarios. And people love talking about themselves, so when in doubt when people are making comments or just trying to make conversation with you, I think some of the times, like sometimes these comments about food or eating aren't always with malicious intent. I know that there are sometimes, because I've heard from clients and I've heard their testimonies, that some comments really do have malicious intent, but by and large, more often than not, If your aunt says something like, oh, I'm gonna have to go work out extra tomorrow, you know, to burn this off.
It's like, ugh, no you don't. It's okay. You can enjoy a piece of pie, right? A little sliver, right? Like, or one scoop of mashed potatoes. It's gonna be okay. , Like you're gonna survive. You're fine if someone's saying that. It's not always with malicious intent. It might just be that they're just trying to make conversation, and that's what people default [00:12:00] to in our society.
So, you know, it might not be them, it might just be society's problem. And so just try not to engage with it. And instead, you could take initiative and ask them questions. People love talking about themselves, so ask open-ended question. Ask people, you know, say to people, tell me more about that. Or, you know, what's been going on?
What's been going on in your life? Or, oh, can you expand on that? Or Why is that? Like you could get people talking about things that they're interested in or things that are going on in their lives and keep asking follow up questions. And that can help to, to, and kind of take the pressure off of you to keep the conversation going or to be diving down a rabbit hole that you don't wanna go down.
So that can be really helpful and you know, a good little tool in your toolbox to have in your back pocket so that when you're having conversation, you can whip these things out and avoid kind of [00:13:00] deflect any unwanted tight culture talk. You could also just nod . I know that, you know, that might come off a little rude, but if you just seem uninterested and nod or kind of turn to the person next to you and start picking up conversation, be like, oh my God, so and so, I forgot to tell you, blah, blah, blah.
You could just be uninterested in what they're talking about and people get the vibe. If you're not making eye contact, if you're not really responding, if you're kind of like looking down and like chewing, if you're at the dinner table, they're gonna pick up the vibe. Hopefully they'll pick up the vibe that you're not really interested in talking about that, and that can be a fine way to navigate these situations.
obviously, I don't wanna be like condoning rude behavior, but if someone's saying rude comments to you or just talking about something you don't wanna talk about, it is very much okay for you to just kind of nod, seem uninterested, and then either change the subject or walk away. You can always say, oh, you know, I'm sorry, I, I [00:14:00] gotta run to the restroom, and then that's it.
Or, oh, I gotta fix my hair. Oh, I, you know, I got a text. Or, oh my God, my boss is emailing me. Hold on, let me go answer this. Even if they didn't, like get yourself out of the situation because the holidays are already stressful enough. You don't need to deal with family members that are now also having conversation with you that is stressing you out even more.
So really try and advocate for yourself in in these situations. Have a couple questions in your back pocket. that you can ask people, ask people more questions about themselves and to try and, you know, deflect off of you. And especially for the family members that you know are the most problematic.
Either work to avoid them or try and use these conversation tactics to not talk about diet stuff and just talk about, talk about other things. So, as far as conversations go, I hope that those give you a few ideas or a few tips for what to say or how to navigate those situations. They're, they're not easy. So again, just try and put on that rain [00:15:00] code and not have these things stick, because by and large, I'm sure the comments are coming from people that you don't maybe see that much or aren't relevant to your life.
And if they are, that might be, that might be something that you wanna work on, you know, either with a coach or a therapist you know, so that you can get more ideas on how to set a boundary in that specific scenario. I've worked with a couple clients on this specifically going over their family dynamics and having them prep out what, what are they gonna say to their mom most of the time?
so that they can set a boundary and express how they're feeling using a lot of I statements. That is helpful. You know, I feel this when you do x, y that or when you say this, it makes me feel blah, blah, blah. And, um, so those, those can be really helpful and it might be worth having a conversation with [00:16:00] a family member.
that means a lot to you. They aren't irrelevant in your life that they, they mean a lot and you don't want those comments to continue. Cuz a lot of people don't know that what they're saying is, is hurtful or they don't realize how much it's affecting you. Sometimes you have to tell them and just set the boundary, Hey, this is not okay, and it makes me feel really bad when you say these things, or I'd rather just not talk about it or, , if we are going to talk about it, you know, here's, here's what needs to happen.
You can't be telling me advice. I don't want you pushing your diets on me, or whatever it is. There's ways to, to go about it. It might be easier for you to, and you might have better holiday seasons with less stress if you have that seemingly uncomfortable conversation. And once so short-term discomfort for a long-term gain, you might be able to have better holiday.
if you are leaning into those harder [00:17:00] conversations with the people that matter, and that's something that I work on with clients, especially if they're in our coaching programs through the holidays and they're going home and they're telling me about their family dynamics. We can almost workshop these things.
Like what do you think is good to say? When is a good time for you to have that conversation, you know? What is the boundary that you wanna set? Like we can kind of workshop it a little bit, practice it out role. I've even role played a couple times with clients just so that they feel a little bit more comfortable, a little bit more confident going into those, those difficult conversations.
And it ends up being a really positive experience in the end. Cause things don't have to be, those conversations don't have to be so defensive or an. , it can really just come from an earnest place, not a charged place, not an emotional place, but just, just really an earnest place and the way that you word things.
Like we can't control how people react, but we can control how we say [00:18:00] things. So if you plan out beforehand, drafted out the things that you wanna say, you catch 'em at a good time. You're, you're controlling your emotions as much as you can. And you're not saying this in a defensive way or charged way.
tends to land better, and that short term uncomfortable conversation can really open the door to , more pleasant experiences during the holidays while you're at home. So something to consider this year might not be the year. You might just want to deal with whatever it is this year and try again next year.
Um, You know that so many years have just gone by and it might be time to have a conversation with a family member that you really care about and it's just, it's gone on for too long and you know you need to say something. I'm super proud of you. And setting that boundary can be really, really empowering and can open the door to help you have so much peace during the holidays.
So I really wish you luck in that conversation, and if you need help with that, definitely take our quiz, [00:19:00] see if our coaching program is for you. If you feel like you need this kind of customized support. These are the types of conversations that I have with clients. It's not all, Hey, are you drinking your water?
Hey, are you hitting your workout? Sometimes our conversations are, you know, how are things going on at home? How was dinner last night? What did your mom say to you? Or what are you nervous about? You know, being around your sisters again, right? Like sometimes those are the conversations that we're having, especially around the holidays.
Sometimes people just need to talk those things out and workshop those things. It's not always healthy habit related, because this is a part of our health. How do we navigate these social scenarios? This is a part of our health, so it's important to get coaching around, get, it's important to get support around this and to make strides in this area.
And if you take our, if you're looking for coaching support, either in the new year or now through the holidays, if you take our quiz. It'll tell you which one of our health [00:20:00] coaching programs is for you. If you get the Be About Being Better Academy. That's our main signature health coaching program. I've been running that since 2018 and perfecting it with every class.
And, um, if you commit now for our January class, you will get, some free coaching up until when the class starts in our Begin Better program, our foundational program. So you get some, some weeks of free coaching before the academy starts, which is awesome. So you're getting, you know, almost four months of coaching for the price of three, which is really great.
So definitely take the quiz, see if the academy is for you, and get some extra support for the holidays. Some other things that you can do that can help you respond better deal with the comments that people might be making about your eating during the holidays are, we're gonna run through a few things that can help you, but first is that you do need a solid morning and evening routine that fills your cup.
So definitely go to [00:21:00] episode seven. Listen to the main character Warning routines episode. Get a foundation for a routine, and then learn how to modify it for when you're home for the holidays are out of your routine. You need to be doing things that are replenishing you and filling your cup up so that you're not just.
You know, super negative and super down during the holidays, getting all, you know, just inundated with all these self-deprecating thoughts and comments that people are making about your eating. Maybe feeling down about your body image or feeling bloated or gross or tired or sluggish or frustrated that you're out of your routine or guilty for what you ate. If you have a morning, evening routine, things that are bookending your day that make you feel good, it's gonna be easier for you to tackle the stresses of the holidays.
And I also think it's important that throughout the holidays outside of mealtimes, you are reminding yourself what you are doing right. This is something that I had to actively do with myself after going out to dinner with this family friend because it, her [00:22:00] talking about her routine made me question what I do for my routine, which I shouldn't be questioning that cuz I, I think I have a really good routine with my health and I'm not on a diet and I feel really good so I shouldn't be questioning if it's just, you know, naturally I was. And so I had to journal it out and remind myself what I'm doing well, why my body is strong, and what my body has gotten me through, and all the things that are going right in my life and how great I feel with my routine. And just cause I hear about somebody else's routine and they're having success doesn't mean that I need to all of a sudden change what I'm doing to then do what they're doing. What I'm doing is working, so I needed to remind myself of that, and I also needed to remind myself the consequences that I faced when I was dieting, when I was restricting my calories, when I was over exercising, when I did go on a liquid diet for three weeks. What were all the consequences of that [00:23:00] physically, mentally, and emotionally and socially as well.
And that can also help you out cuz you have that data, you have that experience. So we don't wanna forget that or neglect that. It's like, Hey, I've gone down this road before, didn't work for me, wasn't successful, didn't make me feel better. So I don't wanna go down that road again and then remind yourself what you're doing well and that can help too.
in the show notes, I'll also link to some body positivity journaling prompts. I think that can be really helpful for you if you're feeling down during the holidays, a little low, just kind of having a, you know, bad body image day, or even if you're having a great body image day. This can really amplify the positive feelings that you're feeling and help to reinforce them.
So head to the show notes. , we have our quiz there. If you need coaching support. We have our Facebook community and we also will have those body positivity journaling prompts that you can do during the holidays, and I hope that that helps. Thank you [00:24:00] so much for listening. I'm so grateful for all of you listening and being part of our be about being better community.
I know that these conversations are hard during the holidays and it can be really hard to go home. But I hope that the tips that we're giving during this healthy holiday series are making you feel more empowered that you can do stuff for your health. You can control things in a season that is busy and maybe in previous years you didn't think you can control things.
A lot is in your power and there are things that you can do to make this season better and set you up for an even better holiday season next year. So thank you so much for listening. Hope you have a happy holidays and I'll see you in the next episode. [00:25:00] Hey y'all. Thanks again for listening to the Be About Being Better podcast. I so appreciate you. If this episode made you laugh, smile, think about yourself or your life differently, in any way, making your life better, I empower you to share the show with three people who just like you, need to hear this message and have this type of transformation in their lives.
I personally read all the reviews the show and see the Instagram story shares. It honestly gives me so much joy to see that our mission is making people's lives better, and the reviews really do help in increasing our impact. So thank you so much for taking the time to do that. If you need personalized support with anything discussed in today's episode or need help creating a sustainable diet free lifestyle, take my quiz.
It's linked below in the show notes, and that quiz will help you see which one of our coaching programs is right for you. Thank you so much again for listening and hears to being about being better.
